Hope for the Hopeless
by Homesick
Summary: Sequel to Hearts Stop Beating. Juliette has been away to Denali for four months after James changed her, when she comes back will she get her happy ever after? Or does happy ever after not exist for a vampire and a vampire hunter?
1. Hoping for their safe return

Hope for the Hopeless

**Hope for the Hopeless**

_Hello world  
Hope you're lis__tening  
Forgive me if I'm young  
Or speaking out of turn  
There's someone I've been missing  
I think that they could be  
The better half of me  
They're in the wrong place trying to make it right  
But I'm tired of justifying  
So I say to you:_

"Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
So come home"  


**Prologue – I will fight for you**

_My dearest Juliette,_

_It took me two months to convince your brother that letting me send this letter would do no harm. I finally got the address. I meant to write much sooner, but no one would allow me, not your family nor mine. The past two months have been the hardest of my life. Not knowing how you are is torture. I miss you every day, and when you come back, I'll never let you go again. I know you can't answer my letter, and I don't want you to because I know it's best if you keep out of touch with me until you're ready. But I wanted to explain what happened to you, the night you got hit by a car. I've talked to Alice about it, because she's been asking me questions, and she helped me convince Edward that it was best to explain it to you right away. You never got hit by a car that night. There wasn't even a car on the road. Chase attacked you. I'm very much ashamed to tell you this but my own cousin tried to kill you. I had to talk him out if it after you left that night. He told me that I was being insane, falling for a vampire. How could I? My father was killed by one of them. But I didn't listen to him, I would never listen to someone who's trying to keep me from you. Chase and Aiden got into a fight because Chase almost exposed us. Chase also asked Aiden to force me to make a choice, between you or my family. Aiden never asked me to do that, probably because he knows I would choose you over them, and it would hurt my mother too much. I wanted to tell you who we are, because the first time I tried I couldn't explain half as much as I had planned to.  
My father, Ibrahim Wade, was killed almost eight years ago, on my twelfth birthday. He was out hunting with Aiden and their brother Nicolas. It was a vampire by the name of Lucas who turned a vampire when he was twenty-one, and had been one for over sixty years. We knew almost everything about him. We could all feel his presence, even me, at twelve. I felt I was stronger than usual, everything got more easy, I was faster, my reflexes were adjusted to the speed of vampires and even my smell and sight had improved. It was like we adapted automatically, as if we were equal to them. My father had killed Lucas' mate Sophia and tried to track down Lucas as well. They had killed two little children in our village. That night my father and uncles went into the woods. Only Aiden came back with news that Lucas was still alive, still out there. My mother was dying with grief, as were Keira, Tyler and me. Matt tried to keep us all together, but he could never be the man my father had been for us. Aiden came to live with us, along with his children, Chase and Penny. Their mother had died at Penny's birth. We became happy again, and I promised myself that I would find Lucas one day, and kill him. On the day my mother and Aiden got married I found him. He was coming after Aiden but I found him first, and I killed him. That was a year ago. Besides him, I never killed one of you, and if you want me to, I don't intend to do so any longer. Although I'm still sorry for not killing James that day, I was too busy trying to see if you were alright and he got away. If I had not let him go, Bella wouldn't have gotten hurt and..it doesn't matter anymore. I'm sorry I could not save you. I'm sorry you think you have to leave to protect me. I'm sorry I didn't write sooner. Please come home, _

_All my love, _

_Caleb._

**Chapter 1 - ****Hoping for their safe return**

To see Edward's car parked in front of me was the one of the best moments of my long life. He got out so fast I barely noticed it, I was just staring at the car, waiting for it to be real. It was, finally it was real. It took me four months, which isn't as long as usual. It turned out my discipline was still intact after I was changed, it just needed to be perfected again. The plain would prove if I was able to be among human beings again. I knew I would be able, I knew I was strong enough. I was a little proud of myself, out in the real world again, standing there, waiting for my brother. He ran toward me and hugged me so intensely it made me cry. The past four months I had called him a lot, I was only allowed to talk to my family once a week. Mostly I talked to Edward or Carlisle. I had missed talking to Alice and Jasper a lot. I had missed Esme's tenderness, Emmett's spirit and Rosalie's silent presence.

"I missed you so much." I whispered and I tried to wipe away the theirs before he could see them. I looked at him and smiled.

"You look happy." I said.

"I am." He smiled back and took my hand to walk with me to the car.

"Alice changed your room." He said when we were in the car. "It's quite charming." Edward grinned and when I tried to read his thoughts he was thinking about something else.

"I'm not going to spoil the surprise for you! By the way, Alice already knows you'll love it."

I was staring out of the window when I started to recognize the environment. It was nice to be heading home. There was soft music coming from the radio, I didn't recognize it, it made me calm. I looked at the lights of the cars in front of us, smelled the smell of Edward's car. Filled with the scent of Bella and my family. It was the scent of home.

"I'm very proud of you Jules." Edward looked at me instead of the road. I couldn't say anything, I was moved by the way he looked at me. He really was proud. He knew I wasn't going to slip, he knew I would never harm any human being. And I was grateful he believed in me.

There it was. Home. It was already dark outside, all of them were waiting outside on the porch. Alice danced towards the car even before it had stopped and she opened the door when Edward slowed down. She kissed my cheek and started to laugh excitedly. After that Carlisle walked towards me with his arms wide open. He and Esme took me in their arms and said how happy it made them to know I was safely home again. After that Emmett walked towards me, picking me up and embracing me, my feet didn't touch the ground until he put me down again.

"Hey little sis." He laughed, and Rosalie laughed too.

"You're beautiful" she said "How have you been? We're all so very proud of you." She smiled and looked more beautiful as I remembered. When Jasper came up to me the others were starting to walk into our house and I followed along with Jasper.

"You're extraordinary Juliette." He told me, of course he could understand what I was going through even better than the others. "We all are _very _proud of you. I'm so glad you're back, did you know Alice changed your room by the way?" he started to talk as if I never even left, and I was grateful for that. I felt at home right a way. After telling how Tanya and her family had been, Alice came up to me and took my hand.

"You _have _to see it. And tell me what you think of it right away, be _honest. _Or I'll ask Edward what you really think!" she started dragging me upstairs and I was followed by Jasper who apparently had helped her with changing my room.

"I even got you new clothes! But we do need to go shopping together soon." I loved shopping with Alice, we always loved the same clothes and we were happy to borrow each others outfits every now and then. So when Alice said "Got _you _new clothes." She actually meant: "got _me _new clothes."

When she opened the door and I walked in I couldn't speak. It was beautiful, mostly white and soft colors. There was so much light in my room, even at night. My music collection had moved from the left to the right room and she had put little tags under it to make clear what kind of music was put where. The bed was gone, I wouldn't need it anymore since I wasn't going to get sick anymore. In stead of the bed there was a huge white classic sofa, with white satin cushions in it. On the floor was a very soft carpet, and I couldn't resist taking my shoes of. It was perfect. I really did love it.

"I really do love it Alice. Thank you so much."

"Jasper helped." She said while walking around and looking at the result of their work. Jasper nodded and he walked up to something I didn't even notice before.

"Even Caleb helped a little." He said and he pointed toward the framed piece of art beside him. It was a drawing of my family, Bella and Caleb included, I was even on it myself. I was surprised by the talent, and how we all looked exactly the same in real life. It was so beautiful and we looked so happy on it I felt the tears in my eyes.

"I'll leave you girls alone now." Jasper grinned as Alice danced toward my closet.

"Caleb will be here any minute, so hurry up now!" she said when Jasper closed the door.

"What?!"

"Carlisle invited him, of course."

"Of course." I answered, lost in thought. How would Caleb react. The only thing I heard of him was the letter he send to me. The letter I read at least a hundred times. I had missed him more than anything, and still I was insecure and scared to see him.

"I bought you this." It was obvious Alice was very proud of her choice, she held a deep blue dress in her hands. It was beautiful, very feminine. A strapless dress made of a very soft and classy fabric.

"Put it on!" she said and she started taking of my vest. I got in the dress as fast as I could and it fitted me perfectly, I imagined Alice had tried it on before buying it. After I got the dress on Alice started to fix my hair. It took her five minutes.

"Now get downstairs." She grinned and she knew I was nervous as hell to get downstairs and see Caleb for the first time since four months. I walked slow, surprised on how well I could walk on high heels. Everything seemed more easy since I was changed, everything seemed more graceful. I walked down the first stairs, towards the second that would lead to the living room. I knew if I looked towards the end of the stairs I would be able to see the living room, but I looked at my feet instead. When I finally got the courage to look, there he was. He was even more handsome than I remembered. His dark eyes fixed upon me, his perfect mouth was smiling the most beautiful smile a human being could have ever smiled, or would ever smile. His hand went trough his hair and he shook his head but I didn't understand why.

"How is it possible you are even more beautiful?" he asked when I stood right in front of him.


	2. Worth a try

Chapter 2 – Worth a try

**Chapter 2 – Worth a try**

"Caleb!" I smiled an ran to him, throwing my arms around his neck, carefully afraid to hurt him. I could feel his arms around my waist and I could feel how strong he was. Inhumanly strong, like me.

"I missed you so much." He whispered to my hair. "I love you Jules, I love you so much." He chanted the words as if he wanted to make it up to me for not being able to say them for a couple of months.

"I love you too." I finally said when I looked at his face, he didn't change a bit. His scent was stronger to me now, of course it was harder to resist, I couldn't expect anything else, I shouldn't. I should learn and control myself forever. All of a sudden I realized how hard it would have been for Edward and Bella.  
"What's wrong?" he asked, apparently my face showed what I was thinking, or part of it. I looked at him and smiled again.

"Nothing, I'm just happy to be back." I told him. "What have you been up to?" I tried to keep the conversation casual, I didn't want to talk about my time at Denali. Not now, not when everything was so perfect.

"Not much really. Missing you mostly." We walked towards the living room and sat down. Everybody was there, talking with each other. I was enjoying the warm feeling of having family again.  
"How's your family?" I asked, strangely enough I couldn't look him in the eye after this question so I was pretending to be busy with my dress.

"There all okay. Aiden and my mother are out of town actually, it's their anniversary. Keira has this annoying new boyfriend, I believe he's called Chuck or something." He started to talk more enthusiastic, like he used to do before all of this happened. "And that Chuck guy has this brother..who is even more annoying and he's hanging out with Penny or something. Anyway she doesn't want to tell me anything of course.."

"Of course.." I tried to laugh, it had hurt me that his family was against our relationship, and ever more that his cousin attempted to kill me.

"Matt has been cool though, and Taylor too actually. They tried there best to help me through it all you know…they even want to meet you, if you're willing of course!" I could see it meant a lot to him, and it did to me as well. His brothers wanted to meet me? He stopped talking for a over a minute. He was clearly avoiding talking about Chase right now. I still couldn't really believe Chase had attacked me, I never met the guy and I didn't expect them to try and kill me. That had changed, I had a lot of time to think about..well.. everything, in Denali. And I started to get scared of the Wade family. They were professional vampire killers, it would probably be easy for them to kill me, or anybody from my family for that matter. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my family, but I wasn't willing, I wasn't able to leave Caleb forever. I would never be able to do that. But how was this ever going to work? Could it work?

"You look worried, are you okay?" he asked when I didn't answer his previous question.

"What? Oh, yeah I'm great. I just have to get used to all this attention..Denali wasn't exactly the most social period in my life." He smiled a little, still not entirely convinced of my wellbeing.

"So, do you want to meet them sometime?" he asked me, this time I tried not to wonder of in thought.

"Of course. If they're really willing to meet me."

"Why wouldn't they?" it was a rhetorical question, or so I hoped because I had enough answers to that question but they were all hurtful. I was grateful when Alice walked towards us, her face filled with pure happiness.

"Caleb, I can imagine you're hungry, do you want to eat something?" she asked, of course she could imagine he was hungry, she knew he was hungry.

"You have food?" he asked both hopefully and surprised.

"Of course we do!" Alice laughed and pulled his arm to guide him to the kitchen we never use.

Edward came to sit beside me on the sofa, he looked at me with meaningful eyes.

"It's okay." Is answered the question in his head. "Did you know?" I asked him carefully, he looked down at his feet for a moment.

"Yes. He talked to me about it. He even apologized while it wasn't his apology to make." Edward looked a little bitter when he said the last sentence.

"Okay." It was hard for me, finding out everybody had known before me.

"Look," he turned towards me and quickly looked toward the kitchen to see if Alice planned on coming back anytime soon. "I tried to talk to Chase, and Carlisle talked with Aiden, but we can't seem to convince them that we won't harm anybody. They don't believe vampire's are capable of such discipline.."

"It's ridiculous."

"It is, but Caleb's older brothers seem to believe us a little..they promised us they would keep Chase and the rest from hurting you or our family."

"I don't like to separate them like that Ed."

"I know. But until they do believe we mean no harm, it's the only way."

That night I spend talking with Caleb about anything but Denali. I finally felt normal again. He told me about how Alice invited him over when I was gone, to talk or do something fun. And how he celebrated his birthday without me. I felt guilty I wasn't able to be there, and even more guilty because I didn't know when his birthday was. It turned out there was a lot we didn't know about each other. I told him about the past hundred years and when I finally stopped talking for a moment, to just sit with him, he fell asleep. It was the most beautiful thing to see someone sleep. His face was covered by peacefulness and innocence. He was now twenty years old but hadn't aged a bit since I last saw him. Suddenly my thoughts were disturbed by something entirely different. How had my absence been explained? At school for instance? If I had questions I turned restless, it had always been that way, even before Carlisle saved me. I noticed that more memories of my mortal life were coming back to me. I could remember the face of my mother, the real color of my eyes and those of Edward, the voice of my father. It was weird, as if Carlisle's venom had stopped the memories from entering my consciousness every now and then. I carefully got up and put a pillow underneath Caleb's head and a blanket over him. I had some questions to be answered.

I knocked on the door of Alice and Jasper's room. Alice was downstairs, I knew that, but I didn't want to talk to her this time.

"Come in Jules," Jasper said, he could probably sense how I was feeling from where I stood.

"Hey.." I said quietly as I walked into the room. Jasper was writing something but he put it away before I could see what he was doing.

"Hey Juliette, how are you?" his voice and face were so gentle it was impossible to feel bad around him, of course, his talent helped a bit too.

"Kind of great actually." I said while I sat down and looked around. I didn't know what I was looking for, I was probably still getting used to being home.

"Good." Jasper smiled again and put away the paper, then he turned to me expecting me to tell him why I was here. It took me a moment.

"What did Carlisle tell everybody?" I asked. Jasper smiled as if he had expected that question a long time ago.

"Well, the rumor went that you where sick you know?"

"That started ages ago, when we first got here."

"It finally helped you though, Carlisle told the school you got into a program that would help you with your illness, but it would take a couple of months. The school believed him of course, being a doctor and all, and asked him how you would finish the year..with homework and essays and all. Carlisle asked them to send it home and he would make sure you would get it. Since you're an excellent student at Forks High School, you can start your last year tomorrow."

"But the essays and.."

"Edward made them, and I made a few as well…there was one on this subject Alice really loved, so she helped too. We figured you weren't exactly in the mood to worry about school.." he grinned but we both knew that was more than true for a bad reason.

"Thanks.." I said surprised.

"I think you should thank Edward and Alice too, and Carlisle of course." He turned back to the desk and started writing again.

"What are you writing?" I asked when I walked towards him and looked over his shoulder.

"It's for Alice." I knew he didn't want to talk about it right now because he was trying to keep it a surprise, something impossible to do for Alice.

"I try to make the decisions unclear for her, so she'll be confused." I had to laugh.

"It's never going to work."

"It's worth a try. It always is." And all of a sudden I had the feeling he wasn't talking about surprising Alice anymore, and that I wasn't the one reading his mind, but the other way around because my mind was filled with the same question all day long: _Is this relationship between Caleb and me ever going to work? _


	3. It's the wrong time

Chapter 3 – It's the wrong time

**Chapter 3 –**** It's the wrong time**

It was getting lighter outside, I looked at the clock in my room. It was half past five in the morning. I looked at Caleb again. I sat on the ground next to the sofa, resting my head on it while I was observing Caleb. He was having a nightmare, I didn't exactly know when it started because it already had started when I came back from Jasper. That was four hours ago. Apparently he was fighting James and Lucas in his dreams, he repeated their names over and over again. Suddenly he woke up, breathing heavily and he was sitting straight up. I was startled but I calmed myself down as fast as I could. Caleb didn't succeed in calming himself down however.

"Are you alright?" I asked shocked. He looked at me and it was like he noticed me for the first time.

"Yeah, fine." He said and tried to act as if nothing happened. His shirt was all wet with sweat and so was his hair. He stood up from the sofa and started walking around my room. Looking for something.

"Are you sure?"

"Where's the bathroom?" he just asked. I pointed into the direction and he walked toward the bathroom. I followed him but he shut the door in front of me which surprised me. I was waiting for him on the hallway when Alice appeared.

"A nightmare again huh?" she asked, I looked at her and I could hear her thoughts loud and clear, she was wondering when it would ever stop, because he was having them too much lately.

"How often?" I asked her, she looked at me, not at all surprised that I knew what she was thinking of course.

"Every night. That's what he told me anyway. He stayed over once when we were working on your room, and I noticed him screaming in his sleep you know?" she looked at me and then at the door that opened.

"Oh hey Alice." Caleb greeted her and walked towards my room again, his hair was pushed back and he had washed his face.

"It's really weird though," Alice continued when Caleb shut the door again. "he gets sick after his nightmares really often. Like now for instance.." she said, shaking her head lightly. "He doesn't deserve being haunted by the past. He's a good guy." She said after which she walked away again.

"He is." I whispered to myself, I ran back to my room again and shut the door behind me when I entered.

"What happened just now?" I asked Caleb who was staring out of the window. He turned around and walked towards me pulling me into an embrace. It was like he had to hold on to me because he wasn't able to stand by himself.

"Just a nightmare." He whispered to my hear, his breathing was even again.

"Cal please, that wasn't _just _a nightmare. If I remember correctly people don't throw up after having a nightmare." He had to laugh but his eyes were bitter and still anxious, as if part of the dream was still lingering in my room.

"You're funny." He said, clearly trying to avoid the conversation I was trying to have with him.

"I won't be anymore when you don't tell me what's going on. Soon." I threatened.

"And scary when you're angry, you're always more like an angel than a vampire..but now.."

"Quit joking around!" I hit him out of irritation but I could see it was too hard. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I adjust to you remember?" he rubbed his arm for a moment and pulled me to the sofa.

"I've been having these nightmares since I killed Lucas." He started "but they were never this bad."

"When did they start to get this bad?"

"After James." He said as he looked down at his bare feet, "I should've killed him Jules."

"He's dead now. It's all over." I tried to comfort him.

"You don't understand.." he sighed. "My family will never forgive me for letting him go like that. They don't respect me anymore, like they used to. Not even my mother. And what he did to you and Bella.."

"Stop it. Now." I told him, he looked at me, his dark eyes big and worried.

"They're killing everybody in my dreams, and I'm not strong enough to fight them." I took his head in my hands and I could see him shiver because of the cold. I pulled him towards me and hugged him.

"They won't hurt anyone anymore. I promise you, no one will hurt your family anymore." I kissed the skin of his neck right under his ear. "I love you." I whispered.

"Why are you trying to block you're thoughts?" I asked when he started to think about really strange and random things.

"I don't know. I feel uncomfortable and weak when you read them…it's like..I always thought I had to be the strong one, the one who should protect and comfort you…I feel so weak when you know everything, when I can't even think of you without you knowing what I'm thinking."

I looked away from him, focusing on the drawing he made.

"You're upset. I'm sorry.." he concluded, but he was wrong. So wrong.

"No. I'm not." I looked at him again, "It's just, sometimes it gets harder to read someone's thoughts..as if my talent's slowly trying to disappear. It's easy with strangers but with you, or Edward..it gets blurry."

"Well I'm sure that's just a phase, right? Although I can't say I wouldn't be slightly relieved." He grinned.

"I will try not to. Sometimes it's hard to resist you know?" he smiled. We were silent for a long moment, I was looking outside as the sun started to come up behind the clouds.

"How was Denali anyway?" he broke the silence that had been so comfortable. "You didn't tell me anything about it."

"What do you want to know?" I asked when I turned towards him hoping he wouldn't want to know too much. He was hesitating, I could see it.

"No. I didn't kill anyone." I answered the question in his head, it was a hurtful question but no more than logical.

"Well that's great." He said it as if I just came home to tell my parents I scored well on a math test.

"Did you miss me?" he asked careful, I had to laugh because of his insecurity.

"Of course I did." I started pacing in front of the huge window.

"Why are you nervous?" he asked me. "I've never seen you nervous before."

"I don't really like to talk about Denali to be honest. But ask me what you want, after this we won't mention it anymore alright?" He nodded.

"Were you lonely?" he asked.

"It depends." I thought about how I spent my time in Denali "If you define lonely as alone, then no." I had never really been alone except sometimes at night maybe. Tanya was always looking out for me, but she was not the main person stealing all my privacy unfortunately.

"But I was lonely actually. I wasn't allowed to keep contact much. Of course they couldn't keep me from calling Edward every now and then. I even talked to Alice twice I think." I was being sarcastic.

"It really helped when I got your letter though." I could smile a little but it was a bitter smile. "I was determined to go back as soon as possible.." I smiled, this time a real smile.

"I won't ask you about it anymore. You're here now, and that's what matters." He said as he came walking towards me and took my hand. "Calm down Jules." I felt like an anxious animal but when he took my hand and spoke to me like that it calmed me down a little and soon enough I started to forget all about Denali, and even about becoming what I had become. He put on some music and walked toward me again.

"Let's dance." He said and put his hand on my waste "Just you, me and the music Jules." It had been too long. The sound of music in my ears was comforting and I finally felt alive again. Or something like it, being a vampire doesn't really count as alive. Caleb's hands were caressing my back carefully, insecure. I looked into his eyes, hoping mine weren't too dark. He kissed the corner of my mouth and kept kissing until he reached my neck. The part where James had bitten me four months ago. I could feel his warm breath and after that his lips. They felt hot against my skin as I tried to breathe normally. Suddenly someone knocked on the door but didn't wait for me to answer. Edward entered the room, his face looked almost angry.

"Juliette, a word with you please." I looked at Caleb for a moment, who nodded and said I should go. I followed my brother into the hallway. Without saying anything he walked to his room next to mine and waited for me to follow him. When we were both there he shut the door.

"What's wrong Edward?" I asked, I didn't even try to read his mind right now, I dared not. He still looked angry.

"I know he was there Juliette. Alice told me. Why didn't you tell me he was there?" he sounded angry too. A discussion about a person I hoped never to talk about again.

"It thought it was irrelevant."

"Well it's not."

"It's not like he's dangerous or anything Edward." I sighed.

"He _could _be."

"Yeah well, he's not."I was getting impatient.

"Are you _defending _him?" Edward hissed, he was the only person who could ever react this way because of what we were talking about.  
"No, don't be ridiculous! What are you worried about anyways?"

"You Jules. It's been sixty years and all of a sudden you have to spend four months with him!"

"I didn't okay? I asked him to stay away from me."

"How did you explain your faked death to him?" Edward was curious.

"I didn't." Fact was he didn't ask. The vampire we were talking about never asked me anything about the past. It was as if we never met before, as if history never happened. As if he never..I couldn't think about it. I was glad to be away from anything to do with him, or Denali. Glad to be home, to be with Caleb. And I didn't want Edward to be angry with me.

"Please don't be mad, I didn't like it either. It helped me to get away as fast as I could though."

"He had no right to.."

"No one knew he was going to be there Edward." Of course not. Although Edward was the only one with pure feelings of hate, everyone knew I never wanted to see _him _again.

"Esme did."


	4. Leave out all the rest

Chapter 4 – You've got no excuse

**Hey everyone, **

**I'm so sorry I haven't been updating in a while. I had trouble writing lately because of the death of a friend's father. I found it very hard to concentrate on getting into that 'writing world' but I promise I will make it up to you guys! You're all so very lovely! **

**- For Nathalie **

**Chapter 4 – ****Leave out all the rest**

"What was that all about?" Caleb asked when I came back, I knew I must have looked unusual. I'm not really used to getting into fights with Edward, but this was different.

"Nothing really." I tried to say as casual as possible. I was lying and hoping he couldn't tell. I was lying because I hoped it would never be necessary to tell him about Nathaniel.

Nathaniel was my first love, or that's what I thought back then. I was young and naïve and knew nothing of love. We spent a lot of time together though. Esme was thrilled, he had been her cousin in her 'other' life. After two years he asked Carlisle for my hand, but he never proposed. I found out he had asked for my hand because of Edward. Nathaniel had left me for somebody else. Telling me I could never be enough because I was only half vampire. Half as beautiful as he was, half as strong. Nathaniel was a proud vampire. After a few months he had send me an invitation for the wedding, when he stalked me because I never showed up, Edward told him I died. Being a half vampire had taken it's toll on me. Edward protected me, as always. I did almost die when I refused to eat or hunt, I refused to live. We never spoke of him again. Up until now.

He had been there in Denali. He lived nearby, or so he said. He was always trying to talk to me but I never listened. He was haunting me and I tried to ignore it, tried to escape him. Until I gave up and let him be. I ignored his presence and tried to stay in company of others.

Now he was gone and I could be happy again. Caleb and I could try to be happy, even though I could never give him what normal girls could. I would live to make him happy, forever.

"What are you thinking about?" I heard his voice interrupting my thoughts.

"Nothing." I tried to sound casual, "Thank you for the drawing." I continued when I looked at the huge drawing of my family.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

"I love it." He smiled happily.

"You don't really look the same now though, as before you left." He paused "I guess it's true what they say."

"What do _they _say then?"

"Vampires being inhumanly beautiful."

If I could blush at all, now would be the time. I smile shyly and look at his face. I was wondering if I did change much?

"So what do you want to do today?" He asked, I tried to remember what day it was. It was Saturday morning if I was correct.

"I want to visit your brothers." I said, and I realized that as I said it, I actually sounded cheerful.

"You do?" He laughed, I knew he was thinking I couldn't possibly be serious.

"I do." I jumped of the couch and ran to my closet. "Give me a second, I'll change, and then we can go." I walked into the giant closet and found all sorts of new stuff Alice bought me. I finally decided to wear jeans, a black tank top and a vest. When out of the closet Caleb was waiting for me in front of the door.

"You look eager to go." He said surprised.

"I am." He laughed as we started to walk downstairs.

"Hey Esme," I walked towards Esme who was standing in front of one of the huge windows. She was thinking about what she would do today.

"I'm going to Caleb's house today if that's okay?"

"Of course sweetheart." Esme smiled and I could see that she was hiding something from me in her mind.

"Alright, what is it?" I asked and I folded my arms over my chest, the way she would when we –her children- would keep something from her which was very rare.

"Nothing to be worried about." She smiled again and I decided not to push her, she was thinking about something else and clearly she didn't want to tell me.

"Where's Carlisle by the way?" I said when I planned to start walking toward the front door.

"At the hospital. Oh, will you be back tonight? Jasper and Alice wanted to hunt with you."

Why where they still overprotective? I could handle hunting on my own now, didn't they believe me?

"I will mom." I teased her. Strangely enough it didn't feel awkward talking about hunting with Caleb near me, something that relieved me.

"Let's go." I smiled at him.

Caleb had called home on the way telling Matt we were coming. Matt would make sure no one was home besides him and Taylor. It still hurt that his family could not accept our relationship but I tried to ignore it. I was happy enough his brothers were willing to meet me.

The car stopped in front of his house, he opened the door for me and I got out.

"It's been a while hasn't it?" I said while again admiring the beautiful house. I had seen a lot of houses in my life, but this one was special. When I walked towards the porch someone opened the front door.

"Hello!" A guy older than Caleb walked towards me, his smile was just as gentle as his eyes. He looked a lot like Caleb, only a little taller and with shorter hair.

"I'm Matt Wade." He held out his hand to introduce himself, I shook it insecure.

"Juliette Cullen." I said, still expecting him to fear or resent me or something.

"Cal has told me all about you, I've been wanting to meet you since..forever or something like that!" He laughed, it was a warm and welcoming sound.

"Come in!" I followed him into the house, looking over my shoulder to see if Caleb was following too. He smiled encouragingly and I felt really welcome. I was nervous, hoping Matt would like me and would be happy for Caleb and me.

"Taylor, they're here!" he called upstairs then walked to the kitchen.

"Would you two like something to drink?" He asked, but when I shook my head he realized what he had just asked, or _who _he just asked it.

"Sorry, that's stupid. Habit you know?"

"I know." I said and smiled, when Caleb sat down in the living room I sat down beside him.

"There they are!" another guy came in, he was older than Caleb but younger than Matt. He didn't look as much as Caleb as Matt did. His face was different, he wasn't as tall as Caleb and Matt were. All three of them were a very strange kind of handsome, as I noticed on the pictures before. They were very attractive, literally.

"Taylor Wade." He greeted me just as friendly as his brother. "God Caleb, you didn't tell me she was this beautiful, look at her!" Taylor sat down in the couch facing us, completely at ease. He looked at us, then at Caleb and shook his head smiling. "My oh my, little brother."

Matt came in with three beers putting them on the table as he sat down too.

"So Juliette, how old are you?" Matt asked and I realized he was actually making jokes.

"Listen," Taylor started "I know you can read minds and stuff, but would you mind leaving mine alone?" he asked.

"Yeah, his mind's pretty dirty." Matt continued joking around. I had to laugh and for a moment I knew what it must be like to feel human again.


	5. Unwelcome

Chapter 5 – Unwelcome

**Chapter 5 – ****Unwelcome.**

We were in Caleb's car. He was driving me home, I was listening to the radio and smiling. I had a pleasant day.

"So, you met my brothers.." Caleb laughs softly while he focuses on the road ahead.

"I liked them. They were nice."

"Are you kidding? They were rude and they absolutely embarrassed me." He laughs again, I know this isn't entirely true, not in a wrong way.

"That's why I like them. They were themselves, they were real."

"They really liked you, you know that?" Caleb said, this time he looked at me and smiled gently. The beautiful smile.

"I know." I smiled too, they really did. Even though they asked me not to read their minds, I couldn't help hearing they thought Caleb was lucky. They took me for who I was, not what. I couldn't be more happy at the moment. When we stopped on the driveway of our house there was a strange car in front of our house. I got out and looked at it, trying to think of who was the owner.

"I guess you've got a visitor." Caleb said when he walked to the front door with me. I was holding his hand when I recognized the scent I never wanted to smell here.

"Cal, you've got to go." I said, realizing I was acting weird.

"What, why? I thought I could stay over tonight..you know like I did yesterday?"

"Maybe later. But not now." I was getting restless as the scent of Nathaniel surrounded us both. He smelled it too of course, but didn't think anything of it. To him it was just a visitor probably.

"Is the visitor dangerous?" he asked, trying to find out why I was acting restless. My eyes were shifting from place to place, finally they looked at his face. I tried to smile, but it probably wouldn't be all that convincing.

"No. Of course not. You can come back later..it's okay. I'll call you?" I kissed him goodbye, probably leaving him with thousands of questions when I got inside and shut the door in front of him.

"There you are!" Esme walked up to me, smiling of course. "You've got a visitor Juliette. Come on," she walked me to the other side of the living room. There he was, beautiful as always. I still couldn't figure out if his hair was light brown or a dark blonde. His eyes however, were deep blue, full of secrets and joy this time.

"Nathaniel." I said with a tone of hate. He was unwelcome. I could hear Edward in my mind this time, asking me if he should come home. He shouldn't, he should stay with Bella. I can handle this.

"Jules sweetheart, beautiful as ever," He smiled, his teeth were white and straight, like in a toothpaste commercial. He walked toward me and kissed my cheek, as if we were friends. I stepped back after the kiss on my cheek.

"Leave. Now." I only said and I started to walk toward the stairs.

"But Juliette!" he started, Esme looked at me, she didn't like my inhospitality but I really couldn't care less.

"I couldn't care less for what you have to say Nathaniel. I never want to see you again, ever." When I was halfway to the stairs I changed my plan, I walked toward the front door. When I wanted to open it Nathaniel was already there, holding my hand so that I couldn't open the door.

"Let me go." I tried to stay calm, I couldn't look at him. Knowing that I wasn't strong enough to resist his charms, no one was. The door opened and we both looked at who opened it. Alice was standing on the porch along with Jasper. Jasper was calming me down, or he was trying to calm Nathaniel down, I wasn't sure. Alice looked up at Nathaniel.

"Nate." She only said when she walked into our house.

"Alice dear." Nathaniel smiled. Jasper didn't say anything when he followed Alice. He just looked at me, supporting me mentally.

"I think you should leave." Alice said, "If Edward comes home and sees you here, he won't be nice." She said.

"You should know." Nathaniel said, he apparently found it all very amusing.

"No need. I'm leaving. If you ever let him in again Esme, I won't come back." It hurt me to say it, and it hurt Esme even more. She never meant no harm, of course not. Esme was just hoping I would be able to forgive her cousin. Just when I wanted to leave. Emmett came down.

"What is this commotion all about?" He asked before he saw Nathaniel. When he spotted Nathaniel his face wasn't smiling anymore.

"What is he doing here?" he asked, walking up to Nathaniel. "Do you want me to get rid of him Jules?" Emmett asked holding his fists in the air, Jasper shook his head, smiling because of Emmett's approach at things like this.

"No. I'm leaving."

I ran all the way to Bella's house. Now I was standing in front of it. Scared to walk up to the front door. Would Edward get mad at me? I didn't want to see Bella after I returned from Denali. Just in case. But now I was here. Could I handle it? Of course I could. I liked Bella, and more importantly, my brother loves her. So I stood there, in front of the door, too scared to ring the doorbell. But the door opened even before I did anything. Bella looked at me and smiled. I could see Edward behind her, waiting for me to come in.

"Hello Juliette, Edward told me what happened.." she started "Would you like to come in?" she asked. I smiled and came in. I wasn't wearing a jacket. I saw a man in the living room, probably Bella's father.

"I'll go and introduce myself." I said to Bella, who seemed excited that I was here. I walked up to the man who walked towards me. Clearly he was surprised.

"Good evening chief Swan, Juliette Cullen." I smiled and I could see that it had a certain effect on him.

"Please, call me Charlie. So you're Edward's twin sister then?" he asked. I nodded slowly and looked about the living room. I saw some pictures of Bella, he was a proud father.

"Well, I'll leave you kids to it..Bells there's some desert in the fridge. Billy thought you would like it.."

"Thanks dad." Bella said and she couldn't help but smile. The three of us went to the kitchen were Edward pulled me into an embrace.

"I'm okay, Ed. Really." I pushed him away and sat down. "I just had to get out of there."

"And Caleb?" he asked.

"He's at home. I can't see him yet. I've got to get myself together first." I tried to smile casually but failed.

"So, Bella. How have you been? Did you recover well after…you know?" She looked up and smiled.

"Oh yes. I'm fine. I'm great actually. I'm just not looking forward to turning eighteen soon, Alice will probably plan some ridiculous party or something."

"She probably will. Come to think of it, I did hear her mention something about a party.." I was joking around and Bella noticed it. It was totally comfortable between the two of us, and I knew Edward was proud of both of us.

It was raining and I was waiting on the porch. Waiting for the door to open. I was crying but luckily the rain was helping me out. Nathaniel was back and I knew he wasn't leaving just like that. He was too proud to leave on my request.

The door finally opened. Matt looked at me, I was relieved to see his face instead of Caleb's.

"God Juliette, you look awful are you alright?" He asked, letting me in.

"It's just the rain." I said.

"Let me get you a towel." When he came back with a towel he was followed by Caleb and Taylor.

"Jules," Caleb ran to me and put his arms around me tightly. He was gaining strength again now I was here. They all were. They were adjusting to my presence.

"I'm sorry to bother you so late but.."

'It's okay. Edward called, I know. It's okay."

"You know?" I was wondering what he knew, and how much of it was true.

"It's okay." He was comforting me as Matt and Taylor looked at us uncomfortably.

"What's wrong?" I asked when Caleb let go. The three of them looked at each other, clearly ill-at-ease.

"Everyone's home..and Chase's awake." Matt finally said "But we won't let him make any trouble. Promise." He smiled the smile I loved. But I loved it when Caleb smiled it.

"You can stay as long as you like." Taylor said after we got into the living room.

"Stay over tonight." Caleb whispered in my ear when his brothers were gone. His lips touched my face, went down to my neck. Gently kissing the skin right under my ear. My breathing got unsteady. He noticed it and chuckled.

"Is that a yes?" he asked. I nodded.

"That's a yes. Only if it won't get you into trouble.." I said.

"It will. But I don't mind. Matt and Taylor are on my side anyway. Just stay. You belong with me."

How I loved to belong right here, with him. And at this moment, I did.


	6. It's not over yet

Chapter 6 - It's not over yet

**Chapter 6 - ****It's not over yet**

I have studied Caleb's art all night. I found some new drawings on his desk, drawings of a wolf. I imagined it had to be Chase. Under the drawings of Chase I found a drawing of my family, above it was written 'Real Family.'

It was light outside but Caleb was still asleep, I didn't want to wake him, he looked peaceful. And besides that, I didn't want to find out how much he really knew about Nathaniel. I would never want to hurt him with things that happened in my past. But after a while he did wake up.

"Morning." He groaned, trying to get used to the amount of light in the room.

"Morning." I said quietly, looking out the window. It looked like there would be sun later this day.

"I should get home." He looked up at me and clearly wondered where that idea had come from so soon.

"Why?" he asked.

"It looks like there'll be sun today." I answered simply.

"Yeah, so? You can stay here. You can be yourself here Jules."

"Not if Chase gets home, he's been here tonight you know. I could smell him downstairs. He's keeping an eye on me. And I suppose if I'll walk here all glowing and stuff he'll notice me and I'll probably annoy him so much he's going to end up killing me." Caleb laughed.

"Alright, I'll bring you home." He got up and tried to find his shirt. It kind of drove me crazy, seeing him shirtless like that, his scent was everywhere...sweet, dreamy… God, I needed to go hunting, soon.

I got out of the car when Caleb held the door for me.

"You're home." He said as he took my jacket from the backseat and walked me to the front door. There was no need to open it, someone else did.

"What are you still doing here?" I asked when Nathaniel smirked at me.

"You mean what am I doing here, again."

"Who let you in?"

"Your bedroom window. I have to say, you lost your sweet human scent." Then his eyes focused on Caleb who was trying his best not to look too angry. "Who do we have here?" Nathaniel asked, his eyes watching our hands holding each other. I looked at Caleb and shook my head but he didn't listen.

"Caleb." He held out his hand, "Caleb Wade." Nathaniel took his hand, hoping he could crush it by just shaking it. He was surprised when Caleb turned out to be just as strong. Stronger even, since he was adjusting to my young vampire abilities.

"Nathaniel Darrousin" he makes sure his last name is pronounced really French even though he never lived there. "Juliette's fiancée." He says. WHAT? It happens so naturally, I didn't even noticed it but I slapped him in the face really hard. It's a relief.

"In your not existing dreams Nathaniel." I scream when Emmett shows up.

"Good one sis." He laughs "Oh hey Caleb, how are you?" Emmett is so good at pretending nothing's going on. Nathaniel suddenly stops talking.

"What are you doing here Nate? Didn't I tell you you're quite unwelcome."

"Esme didn't." Nathaniel smiled his victory smile and looked at me, I probably looked really upset. I walked in, leaving all three of them on the porch. Emmett was trying to keep up casual conversation with Caleb.

"Where's Esme." I demand when I see Jasper reading a book, he looks at me. "Don't you dare try and calm me down Jas!"

"She's upstairs." He only answers and I start to walk upstairs trying not to loose my temper.

"Esme." I say when I slam the door open and walk into Carlisle and Esme's room.

"Juliette dear, you're home. I knew you would calm down and come to senses…"

"Esme, I meant what I said. If you don't send him away for good, I'm leaving. I can't stand having him around me, and if you keep forcing me to be around him I'd rather get killed by the Wade family. As a matter of fact, why don't I go ask them right now?" I was being a little bit unreasonable but I didn't care.

"Juliette.." Esme regretted what she had done right after what I said. She now realized it was too painful, too hard and that she should never have let him near me. Too late. "I'm sorry. I'll send him away. I just thought.."

"I'm in love with Caleb. Nothing is going to change that. Nate could never have made me this happy. I know you like him, and you think he'd be good for me..but he's a liar Esme. He's even lying to you to get to me. And what happened to Valerie? What does she think of him being here?" Valerie was the vampire Nathaniel left me for.

"She's dead." Esme answered quietly. I couldn't help but feel guilty, Valerie wasn't a bad person, not at all. She had never killed any humans, and never intended to.

"How?"

"He didn't want to talk about it."

"Juliette, before I go..can we talk?" it had been hours since I yelled at Esme. She just told Nathaniel he should leave forever. Now Nathaniel was standing beside me, I sat on the porch. Caleb had left, he been amazingly understanding about the whole situation. That boy's an angel.

"No." I answered, wondering if he was really willing to go. Nathaniel was to proud to be told what to do.

"Jules, I'm leaving. Forever. It's the least you can do for me."

"I don't have to do anything for you."

"Just let me tell my story." He sat down beside me, too close for comfort. Finally I gave in, his eyes made me surrender and I started to listen to his story.

"I never meant the things I said to make you cry, can I say I'm sorry?" I didn't answer so he continued "I never planned on falling in love with Val. And later I knew I had made a mistake. Valerie wasn't you. Not at all. But with you, I had to be careful all the time, you were breakable. Weak. How could I live if I'd ever hurt you?" I opened my mouth to protest but he didn't let me, "I never stopped loving you. And seeing you with that Caleb guy, it hurts me more than anyone could imagine.."

"So now Valerie's dead and you'd think it would be fun for us to get back together until you get bored, right?"

"Ridiculous Jules,"

"Stop calling me Jules!"  
"So passionate. You know you should learn to stay calm, it's the only thing difference between you and Edward."

"He won't stay calm if he sees you." I hissed.

"The protective brother." He laughed and then continued "Juliette, I mean it. I could love you forever. I could give you anything in the world. Think about it." I pretended to think for a second and then looked at him. I didn't expect him to look right back at me. His piercing eyes looking right into mine. He had the strangest power over me. The hurt he'd done to me came back right that instant, as if it happened yesterday. I had to try my best to keep myself from crying.

"I'm offering you forever Jules, it's all I have." He whispers. He was so charming and seductive that anyone would fall for it, despite anything he'd ever done to that person.

"Forget that Wade guy. What good could a vampire hunter be?" I snapped right back to reality when he started talking about Caleb. Caleb the love of my life. Caleb the honest, beautiful, strong, artistic young men I could never stop loving. I stood up without saying anything and walked toward the front door, my hand rested on the door handle when he started talking again.

"It's not over yet Juliette. It's never over between us."


	7. Playing Games

Chapter 7 – The Boy Who

**Chapter 7 – Playing Games**

Before I knew it I was standing in Bella's bedroom. She was sitting on the bed, next to my brother who was trying to keep calm after I told him about the conversation I had with Nathaniel.

"But he's gone now right?" Bella asked, I nodded slowly. "So that's a good thing right?" she continued.

"The fact that he's gone now doesn't mean he'll stay gone forever." Edward started to talk slowly with a very low voice "Nathaniel is the most manipulative vampire that's ever existed. And beside that, he lies."

"Ow.." Bella just said. I loved the fact that I couldn't read her mind, it was weird but I liked it. I could imagine how frustrated Edward would get at certain moments, that only made if funny.

"I'll go home now. I'm sorry I bothered you two.." I turned around and walked towards the stairs.

"No you don't have to!" Bella said, I turned around and saw how Edward held her hand, keeping her from running after me. He understood I wanted to be home again.

"I'll come by soon, maybe we can do something without my stupid brother around?" I winked at Edward who smiled. Bella was laughing. It was so weird how she seemed just as old, or how I seemed just as young, even though I was living for over a hundred years now.

"Bye Bella" I smiled and went downstairs.

"Going home again?" Billy asked, according to Bella he really liked me as well as Alice.

"Yes, I promised Alice I would help her redecorate her room." I made up, I didn't know why I was trying to hide what I felt. I just could have said that I wasn't feeling well.

"You girls have fun. Say hi to Alice from me." And he focused on the TV again.

"I will. Bye." I said just before I walked out of the door.

When I closed the door behind me I could feel someone push me against it when I turned.

"There you are." Nathaniel's nose was just beneath my jaw, he was trying to catch my scent better than he would just standing in front of me.

"What are you doing here?!" I hissed, I had to hold back the urge to kick him away from me. I didn't want to cause a fuss in front of Bella's house. With both Bella and her father inside.

"I promised to leave _your _house forever. But what's keeping me from wondering around Forks for a while?"

"You're despicable."

"May be, but you know you want me anyway." Now I push him away from me which is causing him to fall off of the porch.

"Leave Forks forever, and while you're at it, leave this state all together!"

"Shall I leave the continent? Everything for you my dear Juliette, but you're going with me."

"Hell I am."

"Mon dieu! God doesn't approve of such language." I hated it when he was pretending be French like that. I walked further towards my car, still the old MG. He could keep up with it just by walking so I imagined it wouldn't do any good. Half way down the street I turned around.

"Just leave me alone. What do you want?!" I could see Edward watching us out of Bella's window but I didn't pay attention to him much longer. Nathaniel was so close his body was almost against mine.

"I want you Juliette. And you know I always get what I want."

"Why?" I cried out.

"Because you're supposed to love _me_. ME Juliette."

"Well I don't so just leave it!"

"Oh but you will.." he held out a drawing that I immediately recognized. It was the drawing of my family, made by Caleb. The one I saw in his room.

"How did you get this?" I said when I grabbed it out of his hands.

"If I get into your room I can get into his easily." He said bored. "And you do realize how easy it would be for me to kill him, ma chérie?"

"You wouldn't." I gasped for air even though it wasn't necessary for me to breath. My eyes met Edward's for a while but I nodded, he shouldn't come down now.

_Juliette I can handle him. _He practically yelled inside my head. _Not with Bella and Billy near Edward. _I answered. _You're probably right but… _I couldn't concentrate on Edward anymore.

"Oh but I would." He smiled "How did you think I got rid of Valerie?"

"But she's a vampire.." I said shocked.

"Yes, that made it a bit more difficult. Well what's the fun if it's too easy?" he smiled again, as if he wasn't being completely mental.

"You can go home now. Tell Esme you've made a mistake and that I'll be over tonight. And if you tell anyone about this, even you're stupid twin brother, you're human is dead."

That's when I remembered, he didn't know about our special 'powers'. Carlisle thought it wouldn't have been wise to go and tell other vampires about it at that time because of an former incident. I didn't say anything, completely shocked by his intentions.

_I'm coming home too, as soon as he's gone from here. I'm taking Bella. _

When I got home Caleb was waiting for me on the porch. When I got out of my car I could hear Edward's Volvo behind me, he had driven way too hard.

"Nobody's home." Caleb smiled when I walked to the porch and embraced me. I couldn't say anything yet, too shocked and too scared. Maybe it wasn't wise to tell him about what just happened. When Caleb let go of me I could feel Edward's hand on my shoulder, he turned me around.

"Let's go inside." He said, protecting Bella by holding her close.

After Edward made some phone calls everybody came home as soon as possible. Jasper and Alice were the first to be home, they had been running. Alice was paler as usual, she looked at me a single time and that was enough.

"I'm sorry I couldn't warn you." She only says. Jasper is obviously bothered with all the mixed feelings in the room.

"What's going on?" Caleb asks.

"Nothing." Edward answers, he thinks it wouldn't be very smart to tell him just yet. He would be convincing enough if Alice hadn't talked about warning me about something.

"Caleb could you go upstairs for a while? I have to talk to Edward.." Caleb frowned again but walked upstairs anyway. Alice and Jasper followed him. Bella looked at Edward and when Edward nodded she followed all of them upstairs too. We we're waiting for the rest to come home. When they did Jasper came downstairs, the rest would be safe with Alice.

"What's going on?" Carlisle askes both me and Edward. Edward want to explain but I stop him, this is my problem. I tell him about Nathaniel and when Esme, Rosalie and Emmett come in I repeat the story.

"That bastard." Emmett starts, Rosalie tries to calm him down although she's pretty pissed off herself.

"Where's Caleb right now?" Carlisle asks, Esme's apologizing to me in my head over and over again.

"Please mother. It's not your fault." I stare at her and she's happy that I still call her mother. "Caleb's upstairs with Bella and Alice."

"Do they know what's going on?" he asks again.

"No they don't. We didn't know whether it was smart to tell them.." Jasper answers.

"It probably isn't, we can't put Caleb in any more danger than he's already in. If Nathaniel finds out I'm sure he'll follow through with his plan." Carlisle starts pacing around. Esme tries to stop him from doing so but he's thinking. He trying to come up with some sort of plan.

"Juliette," he finally looks up and looks me straight in the eyes.

"Yes?"

"Give me the address, I'm going to speak with his parents." This can't be happening, Carlisle's thinking of trying to work together with the vampire hunters.


	8. I won't let you

Chapter 8 – I won't let you

**Chapter 8 – I won't let you **

I opened the door to Alice's room where all of them waited. Caleb looked at me first, wondering what was going on and if everything was alright.

"Caleb I need you to call Aiden."

"What..why? What's going on Jules?" I walked out of the room expecting him to follow me and he did. When we were in my room I handed him the phone.

"Please tell me what's going on." He was getting impatient.

"Carlisle's is on his way to your house to talk to Aiden." My voice was flat, no emotions, I must sound cold that way I imagine.

"Tell me what's going on Juliette." He's getting even more impatient when I turn my head away. His hand pushes my face back and I'm forced to look at him. His eyes are practically begging.

"I can't tell." I almost cry out.

"Why? Why Jules?! You can tell me _anything._" I don't like the sound of his voice anymore, not like this, I don't want to disappoint him.

"I really can't." I look at him and I hope he can see I mean it, that I'm really serious about this. "You need to trust me."

"I do." He runs his hand through his hair out of frustration "It's just..if your in danger I would like to know."

"I will be fine."

"You don't understand Jules, I've talked about this with Edward when you were gone. You may be strong but you never fought before..you don't know anything of fighting against vampires…or hunters for that matter."

"I'll be okay. I promise. I just need you to call Aiden and tell him that Carlisle comes in peace. It's important." He hesitates after which he begins to dial the number. I leave him alone in my room so he can convince Aiden Carlisle comes in peace. He comes out of my room, his face a little angry.

"And?" I ask, I try to keep calm, which probably makes my voice sound vicious.

"He promised to do him no harm." I sighed relieved "Unless Carlisle will."

"He won't."

"I know." Caleb says slowly. "Now tell me what's going on Jules."

"I can't Caleb." Alice's voice practically screamed in my head; _He's on his way. Get Caleb out of here Jules._

"You have to go now." I can feel tears sting in my eyes.

"No!" he's angry because he knows I'm afraid and he can't help me, or that's what he thinks.

"Listen, it would really help to have you home. Safe."

"What do you mean?" I can't really cope with all this anymore and I turn around to hide my tears.

"Juliette are you alright?" He asked gently as he pulls me into an embrace.

"Not really. But please believe me when I say I can't tell you. I wish I could but.." I cry.

"It's okay. I'd do anything for you Jules..but I have to know one thing…will you be safe?"

"I will. Promise."

He took my face in his hands and I'm still surprised to feel the amount of strength I give him as a young vampire. I wonder how he would adjust to a group of different vampires all at once, like with my family. He started to kiss me and it did calm me down a little. It's the most gentle and soft kiss he ever gave me. I felt as if my entire body wouldn't function anymore after this kiss. His fingertips traced my back and his warmth is dazzling. I have to push him away and he looks at me in surprise.

"I have to hunt." I tell him "It's..this is too dangerous right now.." I told him and I really was sorry, there was nothing I wanted more this moment. I start to push him towards the stairs and he walks down them, waiting for me to come. I don't try to walk at a human pace anymore as I go down the stairs. I can see it surprises him but he doesn't comment on it.

"I'm sorry you have to go Cal."

"It's okay. I'll see you tomorrow after school?" I nod although I don't know if I'll be able to go to school the next morning. With Nathaniel you never know.

Just after Caleb left Nathaniel walked in, we never locked our front door when any of us was home and he knew that.

"Juliette my love," he says when he finds me sitting by the piano playing. It would be obvious, to anyone who cared to look close enough, that I was trying to calm myself down by playing. Nathaniel didn't notice, he was so full of himself right now.

"Nathaniel." I just say as cold as possible.

"Where's the boy. I can smell him."

"I didn't see him since you announced you were planning on playing games with me Nathaniel. The scent still lingers here, it's quite strong actually." I try and talk as flat as I can, to be cold and mean.

"This isn't a game Jules, unless you make it one. Does the boy know? Did you tell him? Because if you did I will know, I can see if you're lying and you know it."

"He doesn't know anything." I don't look at him but I know he's right, he could always tell when I was lying.

"Very well then. Play me something." He sat down beside me and begun stroking my hair. I didn't fight him, I tried to be numb. Then Edward came downstairs. Even though Nathaniel claims he's not scared of my twin brother, he lets go off me. Bella was behind him, he growled toward Nathaniel to warn him to stay away from Bella. When he wanted to walk toward them I took hold of his arm.

"Stay here." I whispered, Nathaniel obeyed.

_Go Edward, I'll be okay. _

_Are you sure? _

_Get Bella safe, you know I don't trust Nathaniel any more than you do. _

_Shall I check on Caleb? _

"Good evening." Edward speaks aloud and Nathaniel nods, Bella follows Edward outside and I start to breath more evenly.

"I want you to call him, to tell him you're getting back with me." Nathaniel says when we are alone.

"No."

"You will or I'll drink his sweet blood."

I look at him, I'm furious and it probably shows. "Now calm down Jules, you don't want to do anything stupid do you?" he takes out a cell phone and starts to dial a number.

"Lucas? Hello it's me Nate. How's our boy doing?"

Lucas? THE Lucas? Could this be coincidence? Nathaniel stops the conversation and puts the cell phone back in the pocket of his black jeans.

"Lucas is keeping an eye on you're human. It turned out the both of them know each other."

"Leave him alone!" I yell. So it is Lucas, the Lucas Caleb supposedly killed. The Lucas that killed Caleb's father.

"Calm down Juliette." Nathaniel smiles. "So passionate." He says "Lucas is just keeping an eye on Caleb. I wouldn't want to ruin my plan would I? So Caleb is completely unaware of my friend. Since you're so restless right now, I'll let you call him tomorrow. Don't forget to tell him we're getting married and that there's no way back." He says casual.

"What?!" I hiss.

"You can go now, stay in the house will you, I don't feel like walking around Forks all night trying to find you."

"Imbecile."

In the middle of the night Nathaniel leaves to hunt. Carlisle had been back for hours but we couldn't speak about what happened with Nathaniel around.

"Dad?" I knocked on the door of his study.

"Come in sweetheart." He said.

"How was it?" I asked right to the point.

"Aiden took me very seriously, although he said this doesn't mean they'll stop hunting vampires. But they wont hunt us because Caleb asked them not to." He paused "Aiden will order Matt to stay close to Caleb. This way Alice can keep an eye on him too. First he wanted Chase to help, but that would be quite unfortunate of course, since he's a werewolf."

"Obviously." I murmured.

"When they need help they'll ask us. But they didn't want us to protect Caleb. They're very proud people Juliette."

I knew Nathaniel would be back in less then ten minutes, so I left Carlisle's study as soon as I could, to go and find Jasper. It turned out Jasper was just outside, watching the stars and trying to draw a map of them for Alice. Just for fun. This way it was easier for him to calm himself down from all the emotions that ran through him.

"Jasper.." I whispered. He looked up, surprised by my emotions at this moment, he had expected sadness or anger. But what I was feeling was determination and self-confidence. Jasper was the perfect person to ask for help right now, he could teach me what I wanted to be taught.

"Can you teach me how to fight?" I asked.


	9. Losing the game

So I owe you guys a apology

So I owe you guys a apology. I've been quite busy studying and making my finals, so writing wasn't really my number one priority the past few weeks (well in my head it was but in real life things are different ;)) So I'm sorry for not updating for such a long time. I'm hoping to make it up to you by trying to write some more this week. Here's chapter 9:

**Chapter 9 ****– Losing the game**

Nathaniel did let me go to school that following morning. And so I did. School was a blur, I didn't pay attention in class, not that I usually did. The everlasting routine of school calmed me down, Edward once said it was his kind of sleep, since we couldn't really sleep. He had studied medicine at Harvard already, I studied art history and history. There was no need for us to pretend paying attention.

"Can I sit with you?" I asked Edward and Bella at lunch. Bella was delighted and Edward didn't really say anything.

"So Bella, how's school coming along? You're birthday will be in two weeks or so right? Alice told me." I asked, just making casual conversation.

"Good, it's not really that hard actually. And yes, my birthday will be in two weeks" she said grumpy. After that she hesitated, what was it she was scared to ask?

"Juliette.." she started. "Who's this Nathaniel?" she asked carefully. I smiled faintly because I expected this question from her.

"He's the vampire I thought I once loved." I answered slowly, my voice low.

"Jules," Edward said, in his mind telling me that I didn't have to tell her if I didn't want to. That he could explain.

"It's okay Edward, Bella's my friend.." I smiled again, "..but it turned out he couldn't love me because I was to weak for him, being a half vampire wasn't enough. So he married someone else."

"That's awful."

"Yes it is."

"So he wants you back?" she asks, and just after that the bell rings. I got up and asked Edward to explain the full situation.

"Edward will tell you the rest. I'm heading home, have a nice day."

I couldn't be at school any longer, I was hoping that Jasper would get home soon too. I walked over the parking lot, planning to walk home. It started to rain but that never bothered me. When I was leaving school ground there was a familiar car at the other side of the road. Caleb's old mustang. I looked at it for a brief moment and started walking away.

"Juliette!" his voice called, his beautiful warm and low voice. He called again. I stopped walking and turned around.

"What Caleb?!" I yelled at him, it hurt to pretend I was angry. He ran toward me and grabbed my arm.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, his desperate eyes begging for an answer.

"You need to leave me alone Caleb." I hissed, my dead heart was braking with every word. Now was the time to lie to him, to tell him I couldn't possibly love him, to save him.

"What? Jules come on, please tell me what's wrong? Has this got to do with that Nathaniel guy? 'Cause he kind of freaks me out and if he's bothering you…"

"No Caleb. He's not bothering me. It's you that's bothering me. I can't be with you Caleb. I'm supposed to be with Nathaniel. You can't offer me what Nathaniel has to give." This was ridiculous, how could he believe me? He let go off me and looked at me in disbelief.

"Leave me alone." I whispered and while was screaming inside. He held his hands in the air, as if he wanted to show me he surrendered to my lies.

"Alright.." he said and his voice broke "Alright." Again. He turned around, the rain made his scent stronger as he walked away. He got into his car and drove away as hard as he could. Leaving me standing on the middle of the road with a broken heart.

It was a miracle how I ever got home. I couldn't remember walking home because everything faded after Caleb left. At home Esme was waiting for me with a message from Jasper that I should hunt before we would go off for our 'walk'. And so I did. The running felt liberating, the taste of venom and blood in my mouth was repulsive. When I headed home I ran into Jasper who had followed my scent.

"Juliette I need you to calm down." He said slowly.

"What..why?" it was stupid of me to ask, because I already knew what he didn't want me to know.

"Just calm down." He said while I realized what he was thinking. Caleb had been in a car crash, Carlisle just called from the hospital to tell that he was in critical condition.

"No.." I whispered and I started running when I was followed by Jasper. When I came home Nathaniel was waiting for me. I was crying and he just looked at me, his face smug.

"You're a bad girl Juliette." He said through clenched teeth.

"A car crash? How could you?!" I yelled at him. "How? Why?!" I cried, Jasper grabbed my arms to keep me from him. My legs couldn't carry me any longer.

"You played along Jules, you shouldn't have played. So I kind of pushed his car off the road a little…just to play. I know you were with him today Jules, Lucas saw you together."

"I only saw him to tell him I couldn't be with him anymore!" I yelled, my voice was hysterical.

"Let go off me!" I yelled to Jasper and tried to shake him off. He finally did. I walked toward Nathaniel and pushed him away, through our front door. I stepped over him into our home. Esme came to me and took me in her arms.

I was in my room, listening to music and trying to avoid Nathaniel as much as I could. He was downstairs with Esme, the only one willing to talk to him. She wanted to keep him calm, so he wouldn't hurt anyone in our family. But he already did. Someone knocked on my door and I knew it was Alice.

"Come in." I whispered.

"Juliette," she sat down next to me on the floor, looking out of the window as well. I would've loved being her real sister while still alive.

"He's going to be alright. I visited him for you, Nathaniel didn't say anything about any of us being with him so.." she smiled a little.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"He didn't remember what happened.." Alice said. "He didn't remember what you said Jules, he was wondering why you weren't there. I told him you were hunting so you could see him soon."

"Thank you."

"I think you shouldn't tell him again…what you told him today. I think you should kill Nathaniel." She said perfectly serious. I looked at her in surprise.

"He doesn't deserve to be on this planet." She explained "He's a monster. At least we try not to be." She shrugged her shoulders "Jasper could teach you."

"He's already teaching me how to fight."

"I know..but he doesn't want to teach you how to kill. He think's you're mentally not strong enough.."

"He's right. I would be a monster as well Alice."

"You would be a good and honest vampire protecting the one you love most." She whispered "You could do it." She got up and turned to walk toward the door.

"Oh and Alice," I said before she opened it "I would love to help you with Bella's birthday..you could've just asked."


	10. You and my heart fail me

Chapter 10 – Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep

**Chapter 10 –**** You and my heart fail me**

I knew that what I was going to do know could mean a personal war around me and my family. I walked toward Carlisle's study where no one would bother me. Jasper was keeping Nathaniel outside, at first I thought they were fighting but Jasper tried to control himself. He was afraid of the person he had been in the past, the killer inside all of us.

I stared at the phone for three long seconds and then started to dial the number of the hospital. A nurse picked up the phone asking me how she could help me.

"Doctor Carlisle Cullen please." I said as polite as possible although I was in a hurry.

"Who's calling?"

"His daughter, Juliette."

"Hold on miss Cullen."

And so I did. I stood there for two long minutes, waiting to hear Carlisle's voice.

"Juliette he isn't awake yet.." he said before I could even say something.

"I'm coming over." Was all I said.

"What Juliette? I don't think that's.." I didn't hear what he wanted to say because I hung up before he could finish. I walked Emmett's room and opened the door.

"Hey little sis," Rosalie was lying next to him, they were on the ground watching a movie or something that absolutely didn't interest me.

"I need your keys."

"What?" Rosalie asked while she laid her hear over one shoulder and looked at Emmett.

"I'm going to the hospital and Edward's at Bella."

"And your car?"

"Isn't fast enough if I want to be there before Nathaniel gets to me."

"You're going to visit Caleb?" Rosalie asked shocked.

"I am Rose."

"What if Nathaniel comes after you?"

"He won't make a scene at the hospital."

"No but he could kill you afterwards." Rosalie said while she stood up and turned off the giant TV.

"That's why I'm going with her." Emmett got up and grinned "She can't drive my car anyways, she's too small."

"Funny." I said.

"Jas, can you come over for a sec?" Emmett asked while I walked downstairs and looked at Jasper. He went up and Emmett would explain the situation to him there. I tried to avoid Nathaniel who was sitting in our living room, reading Nietzsche.

I walked outside, just before I could walk down the porch Nathaniel grabbed my fist.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.

"I need to get some stuff for Bella's birthday, Alice asked me to help so Emmett and me are going shopping." I smiled faintly. Nathaniel looked at me and nodded slowly, it turned out I had gotten better at lying. He stroked my cheek.

"We'll finally be together Jules, that's what you always wanted isn't it?"

I didn't say anything and I was thankful when Emmett came down and walked by us asking me if I was coming.

"So we need to go shopping now too?" Emmett asked and he was smiling, it was amazing how Emmett could cheer you up without manipulating your emotions. I smiled a little, maybe the idea that I would see Caleb soon was helping too.

"I was kind of hoping you could buys something that helped with our alibi.." I bit my lip and looked at him, using my eyes to convince him.

"You girls are all the same." He laughed "If Rose looks like that I can't say no either.."

It was getting dark already when we arrived at the hospital. I got out of the car without waiting for Emmett, I didn't really know where he would go to find something for Bella's birthday but I didn't care either. The smell of hospitals was strange, it was like they were trying their best to hide the smell of blood. It smelled unnatural, I didn't understand how anyone could stand this smell. I walked toward the counter in front of me and stood there for a while. Just waiting for someone to come and help me, or maybe I was trying to calm myself down. I felt tears on my left cheek.

"Can I help you miss?" a nice voice asked, I wiped away the tears and looked at her. It was very easy to be charming to people like her, simple and ignorant human beings.

"Can you tell me where I can find doctor Cullen please?" she seemed to recognize something and then I knew it was my voice. She knew I was his daughter.

"You're his daughter right? I'll page him.."

"No you can just tell me where he is, I'll look for him. No problem at all."

"He's at the intensive care."

"Thank you very much. Have a pleasant evening." I felt like robot.

I found Carlisle soon enough, and he didn't have to say anything. I didn't intend to either. He led me to the room where Caleb was, at first I could see him through the window. In the blue white bed with strange tubes and wires on him. His head was covered with sterilized gauze and his left arm was covered with plaster bandage. His wrist was broken. I turned around to ask Carlisle what his injuries exactly were but he was gone helping another patient. He didn't support me being here because he was afraid of what Nathaniel would do if he found out.

I had finally found the nerve to go into the room and sit beside Caleb's bed. At first I was just looking at him, but soon enough I found myself talking to him. I was telling him about Bella's birthday and that I would help Alice. I looked at his right hand and slowly moved my own hand toward it. Mine was awfully white next to his, even though he looked paler as usual. I noticed his hands were beautiful, real hands of an artist. When I was ready to take his hand into mine it felt warm, that was a relief. I sat there for about two minutes and then he opened up his eyes. For a moment I couldn't believe it, he was looking at me and if my heart had been alive it would beat it's way out of my chest.

"Caleb." I just whispered.

"Jules," he sounded weak but to even hear him say my name was like a miracle.

"Dad!" I called "Dad he's awake!" Carlisle came walking in and started asking Caleb questions. Before he left he asked me to come with him. But I couldn't, I couldn't let go of Caleb's hand.

"Hurry Juliette, Emmett called and he thinks Nathaniel is keeping an eye on you." He whispered so fast and low Caleb couldn't possibly hear it. But he did. I forgot about him adjusting to our vampire abilities. He didn't say anything as long as Carlisle was here. When he left he looked at me.

"What's going on Jules?" he demanded.

"Caleb you're awake, this is wonderful.."

"I think it's because I'm stronger now..adjusting to you.." he seemed doubtful. "But what's going on with this Nathaniel? You act strange. You.." suddenly it seemed like he was remembering something, something that made him look like he could die of pain.

"Why are you hear Juliette?" the way he called me Juliette didn't sound good. He was angry. I grasped for air as I saw the look on his face and I knew he remembered. He hated me for ever breaking his heart. But there was still hope in there..I couldn't tell if it would be right to tell him that he should hold on to that hope.

"Get out." He whispered.

"But.."

"I don't want you here because you're feeling guilty. It's not your fault, so just leave me alone like I promised to leave you alone." He said through clenched teeth.

"Caleb.." I felt tears form in my eyes but he let go of my hand and looked away.

"I need some sleep." He whispered when I still didn't go away. I started to walk away toward the door when suddenly the machine that was making short beeping sounds evenly to indicate Caleb's heartbeats was making one long beeping sound. His heart had stopped the moment I turned away. Suddenly there were a lot of people in the room and I could feel someone pulling me away. My hands were against the window as I watched them revive him with an CPR machine. I didn't notice I was crying until someone was wiping the tears out of my face. I looked up for one second and saw my twin brother. Edward was my very own personal guardian vampire. Bella was there as well and she was holding my hand. The machine started beeping evenly again and Carlisle came out to tell me that it would probably be best to leave.

"I will make sure he survives, no matter what." He whispered as he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead.

"Now go home and start planning Bella's birthday with Alice. Everything will be alright."

"Promise?" I asked like a little child.

"Promise."

Edward and Bella escorted me outside where Emmett was already waiting in his huge car. When Edward opened the door for me he held up pink, purple and blue balloons and some strange illumination equipments.

"Hey Bella!" he said happily. But he saw how shocked Bella was, how I was looking with my tearstained face and Edward's angry face. I got in and Bella and Edward went to Bella's home.

"What happened?" Emmett asked when we drove away from the parking lot.

"Caleb's heart stopped Emmett. He went into cardiac arrest."

"What?! What now?"

"They revived him.." I started to cry again. "It's all my fault Emmett."

"No it's not.." Emmett was never very good at comforting people by embracing them or something like that. "..It's Nathaniel's fault. That stupid monster has us all trapped and he's playing games with you Jules, dangerous games. We all don't want Caleb to die, and we don't want you ending up with him either. That guy's completely mental. Come on, let's go home so I can kick his butt."


	11. The World Turns Cold

Chapter 11 - This world turns cold

**Chapter 11 - This world turns cold**

When I came home Nathaniel was still reading. He felt perfectly at home and didn't even feel guilty for what he had done. I had to act like nothing happened.

"What did you guys buy dear?" He asked when Emmett and I came in from the garage. Emmett had to ask Jasper to calm me down first before I could see Nathaniel.

"Balloons and stuff." I answered shortly as possible.

"Lovely." He answered and for some reason he could say even one word in a extremely annoying way. I tried to remember how in the lord's name I could ever have fallen in love with this vampire. And fact is, it wasn't so hard to remember at all. He used to be perfect. A real gentleman, he was charming and extremely handsome even for a vampire. We could talk about books and music and history and art for hours without stopping. Every now and then he would surprise me by taking me somewhere nice or writing me a poem. He even took care of me while I was sick because of my being half vampire. I don't know why he changed so suddenly back then, and how he could possible be like he is now. I used to love astronomy and he sat with me while I watched and studied the stars all night. After his betrayal I never watched the stars like that again, I threw away my telescope as well. I sat down opposite of him and looked at him as if I was trying to find if there was any humanity left in the monster in front of me. The phone rang and I ran toward it as fast as I could.

"Juliette Cullen." I answered hoping it would be Carlisle telling me everything would be okay with Caleb from now on.

"Could you please open the door?" an unfamiliar voice asked through the phone.

"Why? Who are you?" I whispered so that there might be a chance Nathaniel couldn't hear me.

"It's about Caleb."

"Oh that's okay." I said trying to keep Nathaniel from getting curious and I hung up the phone.

"What was that all about?"

"Wrong number." He nodded and looked at me for a moment then got up and went to my room. I didn't care about what he wanted to do there, instead I ran toward the door and walked out onto the porch. In front of it I saw Chase and Matt, they were very different from each other but yet there were some resemblances between the two young man in front of me. Matt smiled faintly but ever so gentle, it was difficult seeing him since he and Caleb looked so much alike. Chase however was looking at me and hoping he would get the chance to kill me soon. He scared me, although killing me would solve a lot of problems right now.

"Hi." I said, it was the most weak sound in the world right now.

"Juliette, I am going to ask you this only once.." Matt said, his voice was strong and clear. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"What?! How could you care Matt?!" Chase yelled, he walked toward me and stopped right in front of me. He was way taller and looked down on me, I could feel his breath on my face, I could smell werewolf scent all over him. I clenched my teeth and tried to believe he wouldn't hurt me, if he would never harm him, I wouldn't fight back.

"Chase.." Matt tried to calm him down and then looked at me again. I shook my head to answer his question.

"But it really doesn't matter, you've got to keep Caleb safe..away from me."

"Damn right you are?" Chase pushed me against the front door, he was stronger than I imagined him to be, maybe because I didn't want to fight him.

"Chase!" Matt grabbed his shoulder and pulled it, pushing him to the ground. Apparently he had adjusted to the vampire strength surrounding him.

"Control yourself." He hissed.

"Juliette listen," Matt walked toward me and looked me in the eye, I knew he meant no harm, his thoughts were thoughts of peace. "Caleb is confused..he thinks something is wrong, tell me how we'll explain to him why he got hit by a car, or why you're leaving him…you're breaking his heart Juliette, literally." The tears stung in my eyes.

"I know." I sighed and tried to be less dramatic, why couldn't I control my feelings like Edward could, or Carlisle for that matter. The door opened behind me and I could barely keep my balance. It was Nathaniel.

"Gentlemen." He said, I could hear he was angry but he knew I couldn't have kept Chase and Matt from coming over, he had expected trouble after hurting Caleb and here it was.

"Do you feel like a man, when you play with her and my brother?" Matt yelled at Nathaniel, their faces were merely inches from each other's.

"Do you feel better hurting them like this?" Nathaniel looked at him and started to smile. I could feel Chase near me but I was too scared to look at him.

"I'm not hurting Juliette, she loves me..she just doesn't remember it because your little filthy brother has soiled her mind. Tell me, do you think it possible for a vampire and her hunter to be happy together? Admit it, you all want to kill this family and he's keeping you from it because he's in _love_." The word love came out sarcastically, as if Nathaniel was looking down on Caleb and thought of him like of little children. Nathaniel hates children.

"Nonsense. Caleb and Juliette were starting to be happy until you came along. I think they'll be very happy together." Matt said and he looked at me while saying it, I knew my beauty made me less of a monster to him, but he also truly liked me for who I was. Not what I was.

"Until she gets too hungry, or he gets too old right?" Nathaniel was enjoying this, he knew that the relationship I had with Caleb was nearly impossible. But I loved him so much I would die for him, I would give up my happiness and my life for him, and that was what bothered Nathaniel. No one spoke for a moment. I just looked at Matt who looked back at me. It meant a lot to me he believed in what Caleb and I had, but I knew what I had to do to keep Caleb safe.

"He's right Matt." I said, unfortunately my voice didn't sound as strong as I wanted it to. "It was a dream..I can't ever be with Caleb, you know it too. We're too dangerous for each other. I don't want to have to try so hard all the time. I am what I am. I'm not human, and Nathaniel can handle that..it's for the best." I tried to say it all before he interrupted me because I wasn't sure of the affect he would have on me. All of a sudden I felt a hard push and I was swept against the nearest wall, my back against one of the pictures Esme once took. The glass shattered on the ground and fell in it. It was Chase, I knew it but I still did not want to fight him. I deserved this.

"You're a monster." He hissed and his entire body was shaking.

"No Nathaniel." I said when I heard his thoughts, surprisingly Nathaniel obeyed and stayed away from Chase who walked toward me. Matt didn't stop him this time, he was disappointed in me and couldn't believe I was telling the truth. He didn't want to believe the truth and I knew Caleb wouldn't want to either. But lying was all I had to safe him, to stop this.

"You're not even good enough for Caleb, you never were. Aiden should've let me kill you before it ever came this far." I closed my eyes for a second to calm myself down or to stop the tears from falling, I wasn't sure.

"I don't want to be good enough for Caleb." I said slowly and clear. He grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my head back.

"One of these days…" he hissed and the rest was in thought _I will kill you. _He let go and I didn't move, no one did except Chase. He walked toward the front door.

"Come on Matt." He whispered and Matt followed. Before he shut the door he looked at me again "One of these days." He warned me.

It had been a week since I had seen Caleb at the hospital. He was home now, Carlisle had arranged home care for as long as he needed it. Nathaniel was thrilled I had finally made a decision, he even considered asking Lucas to leave Caleb alone. It wasn't as hard for me to pretend anymore after a week. I had turned into a ghost, a numb undead. Nathaniel left me alone at night, I spend the night reading it was all I did. There was no music for me anymore and that worried my family. Especially Edward. He tried to make me listen to music, or play but I couldn't. It would bring back these annoying things called emotions and I couldn't handle them. It was easier like this. Jasper forced me to learn how to fight. Every morning at dawn we were outside and he was beating me up because most of the time I didn't want to defend myself. I had never seen Jasper like this, he was like a soldier. He was hard and driven and disciplined. And above all determined to teach me how to fight. But I didn't want to fight Nathaniel anymore. Alice watched us fight every morning, trying to keep an eye on Jasper more than me.

"Stop it." I finally said when Jasper beat me up again.

"Get up." Jasper said. I didn't.

"Get up Juliette."

"No."

"Get up now." He pulled me up and I looked at him, I was angry and he wanted me to be angry.

"Now fight me."

"No."

"Fight me."

"No!" I screamed and turned away. Alice couldn't look anymore, we were both hurting her.

"Do you want to lose Caleb? Do you want to spend eternity with Nathaniel?"

I turned back to face him and I knew there was a fire in my eyes that made clear I was about to lose it. I always had been temperamental, it was the one thing Edward and I didn't have in common. He was much more composed and I always admired him for that.

I didn't answer Jasper.

"Are you really that weak Juliette? Do you let him play with you?" Jasper was even thinking these questions, I couldn't believe him. I started to yell and finally I fought back. The rush of fighting back gave me strength, it was like the real me came back.

"Good!" I heard Jasper yell "But you're still weak. It this all you've got?"

I was getting angrier by the second and he was happy I finally fought back, he was even laughing when we finally stopped and I looked at him furiously.

"Do you have what you want now?" I asked angrily and I walked toward Alice, I wanted to ignore him for the rest of the day.

"So what has to be done before Bella comes?" I asked. Planning Bella's birthday actually made me happy. It mattered, Bella mattered. Today was her birthday and Alice was thrilled even though she was worried about me and Jasper. I didn't want her to be worried. It was one of the reasons I had chosen to give up and give myself to Nathaniel.

"Well," she jumped up and took my arm as we walked back to the house.

"Good morning ladies." Nathaniel greeted us and bend down to kiss my cheek.

"Morning." Alice said, she was still angry with Nathaniel, everyone was. But as I had surrendered myself to him, so did my family. Everyone except Edward. Edward was angry with me for giving up. Angry wasn't the right way to say it, he was deeply disappointed and it hurt me because I needed him more than ever.

"These are going there.." the pointed toward some garlands and balloons and indicated where they should be. The rest of the morning I was busy decorating the house for Bella's birthday. Every now and then Nathaniel came to check on me, he still couldn't believe I had surrendered. Now he had stopped fighting and torturing me he finally noticed he still loved me and this wasn't a game anymore. He started to be rather nice for a person you hate. He almost made it impossible for me to hate him, but I got pretty good at hating him so it had become more of a habit. I hadn't heard from the entire Wade family for the past week, and it made me think that maybe..Caleb would be safe now I was with Nathaniel.

"They're here!" Alice was dancing around and I was smiling when I saw Edward's silver Volvo arrive.

"I love it when you smile." Nathaniel whispered in my ear which totally ruined my semi good mood. I followed Alice to the front door, everybody did except for Nathaniel who kept his distance.

Bella came in and looked really nice, she was happy to be here and we were all happy she was here.

"Congratulations!" Alice practically yelled and started to hug and kiss Bella. Everybody else congratulated her as well, I waited until Edward allowed me to talk to her. He was still angry.

_Go ahead. _

That was my cue so I walked toward Bella who was following the rest of my family toward the living room.

"It's okay to turn eighteen don't worry." I said with a faint smile. She looked at me and I was surprised to see relief in her eyes.

"I hate this…turning eighteen is awful…you're the first one not to congratulate me on being older than Edward…well not technically but.." Bella started to babble and it made me laugh.

"Technically you'll never be older than Edward…but now you mention it..I do see some wrinkles.."

"Funny." She looks at me and I'm surprised she can make me forget about all my problems for a while and we both focus on her problem; being eighteen.

"I'm serious Jules why celebrate that you're getting older?" I got a funny feeling when she called me Jules, it was just what I needed. It also felt good Bella wasn't judging me.

"Well," I tried to think of something that would cheer her up "it means you're still alive..that's worth celebrating."

"I'd rather not be" she paused and shook her head because of the probable confusion her words could cause "you know what I mean…"

"About that…" I wanted to start but Alice came to ask Bella to come with her. The party finally started but I'm not sure if that was a good thing.


	12. Beauty or the beast

Chapter 12 – Beauty or the beast

**Chapter 12 – Beauty or the beast**

It all happened so fast.

I hope I will go numb soon so I can escape the hate and shame I feel. I wished that I could never feel at all. Everything went wrong. Everything.

I do not know where Bella is, I do not know where my brother is, all I know is that I have to stay away from them. Both Jasper and I messed up today, big time. Jasper tried to attack Bella after she cut herself accidentally. When I was upstairs getting her present I got tempted by the smell of her blood as well. Nathaniel stopped me. I thank the God I have believed in for over 108 years on my bare knees for that more than I have ever thanked him for anything. Nathaniel wasn't stronger then me but he was strong enough to keep me from killing Bella. Edward doesn't know. He doesn't know I felt the urge to kill the love of his life. Nathaniel had talked to me, screamed right into my monstrous face that I couldn't and wouldn't kill Bella. That I didn't need that, and that I was better and stronger than this. He was Nathaniel again, the person I used to call Nate, the person I used to love. But all he had done lately didn't take my hate for him away, I couldn't even like him the littlest bit. And at this point I couldn't like myself either.

I was sitting on a bed in some cheap motel along the way toward Denali. Months ago I would never have wanted to go back, but I had no choice now. We –that being Nathaniel and me- stopped for the night. Nathaniel had taken me away from Forks because I asked him to. I got up and walked toward the little bathroom. The smell was horrible and the light was white and pale. I was confronted with my mirror image, I looked like a monster, literally. I turned away from the mirror and when I turned back again I planted my fist against it so hard that I went through the mirror and into the wall. Soon enough I realized that violence wasn't the answer, it was never the answer. So I went to church.

Creatures like me are never welcome inside a church, and I would never do that to the God I believe in. So I sat in front of the little church I found somewhere along the road. There was no one to be found. Nathaniel turned out to be happy that he had an excuse to get me out of Forks, away from Caleb. Turned out I was wrong about him being his old self again, very wrong.

"We have to go." It was the middle of the night and I was still in front of the church. I looked up from where I sat on the ground and saw Nathaniel behind me.

"Why?" I asked, I couldn't see any point in doing anything right now. Except maybe kill myself or die out of shame.

"You can't go back there Juliette, I know you hope you can but you can't. You're not strong enough, and you never will be. Edward doesn't want you near Bella, The Wades don't want you near Caleb. There's nothing left there Juliette. Nothing."

It was the cold and hard truth but I couldn't take him saying it. Him being right this time. I couldn't even go back to my family, because I was too ashamed.

"I know." Was all I could say as I followed him like a dog hit by it's owner and still feeling obligated and willing to follow him wherever he goes.

It took me three days before I could think straight again. We were in Denali at Nathaniel's house. He lived nearby Tanya and her family. It was a big house in the middle of nowhere. When we got there I had been hiding in a dark room for days. When I came out he had decorated a room of my own.

"You can do whatever you want in here." Nathaniel said when I followed him to my room, I felt like a prisoner in a very pretty cell. So that third day I locked myself up in my not so dark prison cell. There was sun all through my room and I felt like I had no right to look like this. This pretty, this nice, this innocent. I searched the entire room for a piece of paper and a pen. When I found it I sat down at the white antique desk and started to write:

_My dearest Bella, _

_I'm sorry for what I have done. I'm sorry for what I am and I'm sorry for scaring you. I wanted you to know that I would never want to harm you in any way, so you need to know that I won't come back. You won't be in any danger any longer and I hope you will allow my brother to give all the love he has inside of him to you. You belong together. I'm sorry I cannot be a better friend. I am ashamed and I am scared of what I have become. _

_I love you,_

_Jules._

_P.s. Tell Edward he should cut Jasper some slack, it's my fault he was so vulnerable at the time. Ask Alice and she'll understand. _

I sighed and walked downstairs. Nathaniel walked up to me and kissed my cheek, like he always did when I came downstairs, which had been 2 times the past three days.

"Could you send this to Bella's house for me please?"

It had been three weeks.

I had not heard anything from anyone except Alice. She had called me twelve days ago.

"It's bad Jules, it's really bad this time. Jasper can't forgive himself, Edward feels like he can never be with Bella because of what we are and.." she had gone on and on about how bad everything was. How badly me and Jasper messed up but that it wasn't our fault. How badly she wanted to be a normal family and include Bella into that family.

It had been three weeks. I had almost forced myself to forget there was an outside world. I should be stronger than this, and I forced myself to be stronger. But instead of stronger I was bitter and numb. I pushed it all away. But there was a sound from the outside world that woke me from my undead slumber. A knock on the door. Nathaniel was out hunting so I walked toward the door and opened it.

It was Matt.

"Matt.." I sighed and I almost started to cry right away. Matt looked serious, something that frightened me.

"Juliette." He nodded his head and kept at least three steps between us.

"What's wrong?" I asked and I studied his face, it struck me again how he was so much alike Caleb.

"How are you?" he asked and he took one step closer.

"Marvelous, and you yourself?" I couldn't help but being sarcastic. He didn't answer, he just looked at me. I read his mind although he and Taylor had asked me not to. He was worried and wondering how far lost I was but he could still see me as a human being and not a monster.

"I'm doing okay." He finally answered.

"Listen," he was restless and clearly hesitating about something. "We were wondering what happened? Your family is gone from Forks and there's this rumor that dr. Cullen got a new job and everything but the thing is..a member of another vampire hunter coven we know..knows Carlisle didn't get that job." He was being neurotic but what he just said shocked me so much that I didn't pay attention to that.

"What?" I asked and my voice broke.

"They're gone."

"Where? What?"

"That's what we were wondering.."

"We?" I asked.

"Yes well.." Matt ran a hand through his hair and looked to his car at the beginning of the driveway. Someone opened the passengers seat door and got out of the car. It was Caleb. He had cut his hair and it was a lot shorter now, his arm was still broken and as he came closer I could see a scar above his right eyebrow. As he stood in front of the porch steps he could bring up a faint smile that made my legs shaky as I watched him standing in front of me. It couldn't be real.

"Hi." He said and somehow it sounded like more than just 'hi'.

"Hi." I whispered and again my voice broke. Matt took it all in and just looked from me to his little brother and back.

"Where is he?" Caleb asked and I had to stop breathing just so that I wouldn't be overwhelmed by his dazzling scent.

"Hunting." I didn't feel at ease, scared he was here to break my heart. To tell me he didn't want me and he never would. To tell me I was a monster and that it was all my fault he almost died. He had all the right to do so.

"So we can go inside?" he asked as he came closer, I just nodded. It was all I could do.

"I'll stay here and look out for him." Matt said as he remained on the porch outside.

"How did you find me?"

"I found Lucas." Caleb answers with hate in his voice. I close my eyes and my lower lip begins to tremble a little.

"Caleb I'm sorry.." I want to stars but he stops me with such a tender gesture. He strokes my cheek and smiles, it's a broken smile.

"I found him but I was too weak to fight him. He was going through my draws when I got back from my physical therapy one day…" he sighed and he was thinking about that moment, as I read his mind I knew exactly what had happened but I waited for him to tell me. "Matt and Taylor finished him off just after he gave me this," he held up his arm and under his elbow was a scar. He had been bitten but somehow it had just become a scar, the venom must have been neutralized. Or sucked out as with Bella.

"I'm so sorry.."

"It's not your fault." He says as he walks around the living room and examines Nathaniel's house.

"So you live with him now?"

"It's not like that.."

"I know Jules, I got your letter."

"My letter?" I asked surprised. I couldn't remember sending him a letter, I wouldn't have taken the risk after what Nathaniel did. He holds out a piece of paper and gives it to me.

"You should know I don't speak Latin though, I was planning to look it up but then that whole thing with Lucas came up and I just had to find you Jules.." I took the piece of paper and looked at it. It wasn't my handwriting but how could he know?

_Caleb, _

_Please forgive me for what I am about to write to you now. I know I've made a terrible mistake but I thought you should know the truth. I don't love Nathaniel and I never will. Nathaniel tricked me into being with him because he would kill you if I'd ever see you again. I wanted to protect you from me and the monsters around me. I never meant for you to get hurt. You are the love of my pitiful existence, my life only got meaning because of you. _

_I will love you for eternity,_

_Juliette. _

It was Edward's handwriting, I couldn't be mistaken. It was very similar to mine since we had the same teacher but there were differences and I could see them clearly. I read it again and again. I was absolutely positive when I read the words "pitiful existence" because that's all what Edward could think of if we thought about our lives. Then I focused on the Latin part which translated;

_I can forgive you Juliette, but not myself. I was being selfish to want Bella, to think love exists for me. Don't let yours slip away. I'll see you in another lifetime, you're brother._

"When did you get this?" I ask Caleb who looks at me and is surprised I am crying.

"I don't know, a week ago? What's wrong?"

"I love you so much.." I just cry "Please, please forgive me for all the stupid things I have done. If you don't want me I understand completely but please, please try and forgive me." I fall down on my knees and practically beg him for forgiveness.

"I've been so stupid." I cry.

"Hey, hey it's okay!" he bends down and puts both his free and the one with the cast around it to my cheeks and forces me to look at him.

"I knew something was wrong..I was just mad you wouldn't tell me…and when you went away like that..I was scared you didn't want me, that I wasn't good enough for you. Because you are good enough for me Juliette, you're too good to be true. You're not a monster, you're the most beautiful thing that I know. And if I could only deserve your love..if I could only feel a glimpse of that happiness, I would trade anything for that.."

"He's coming." Matt called from outside and Caleb's brown eyes got bigger, he was afraid.

"No don't leave..I'll talk to him…I'll fight." I was determined, I felt a strength in my that I had never felt before.

"No Juliette, what if something happens to you?"

"I don't care!"

"I have to go." He kissed my forehead and got up leaving me sitting on the ground as he ran out of the house toward the car and both of them drove away as hard as they could. Not much later Nathaniel walked in.

"What are you doing?" he asked as I still laid down on the floor with the front door open.

"I need to hunt." I said because I knew that Nathaniel wanted me to hunt for days, the thought it would be good for me. He thought that everything was going to go his way. He also thought Lucas was still alive. And he also thought there was no hope for me left. But I guess there's always hope for the hopeless.


	13. The Hunt

Chapter 13 – The Hunt

**Chapter 13 – The Hunt**

Nathaniel was so foolish.

The fact that he had let me go hunting on my own proved he trusted I would not escape. Because escaping would be the right word, his selfish prison had kept me long enough. I had become a creature that was breathing and moving but not living. Caleb woke me up from my so seeming endless slumber. Like he had woke me up after a hundred years of solitude even though I had the most loving family. When I got out of the house and into the surrounding woods I felt free. But I wasn't planning on running the whole way, that way I should go through the woods and that wouldn't be the fastest way to go. And I needed to be fast to avoid getting caught by Nathaniel before reaching Caleb. If he did catch me, I would probably never find out why my family went away, and I would never be with Caleb again. Plus if I went by foot he could easily pick up my scent. So I decided to steal a car when I had been running for an hour. I had the taste of blood and venom in my mouth, the one as hateful as the other. But it had done me good to hunt, I felt stronger. As if I could fight the entire world and still win. I didn't feel tempted as much as I did before when people walked by. Or maybe I got used to taming the monster inside of me.

There it was. A brand new black Jaguar. I walk toward it and as I cross the dark parking lot. I was near the cheap motel I stayed in with Nathaniel before we got to his home. I know that this car costs a fortune and the owner wouldn't be at all happy if it was stolen. But then again, I just found out (mind reading does have it's benefits) the owner's purpose of being here tonight is to cheat on his wife with his fifteen years younger mistress. Something the world wouldn't be happy with either. So why please the man? I look around and there's no one to be seen. I would never steal a car if it wasn't absolutely necessary but I must say it was kind of exciting.

I had enough knowledge about cars to know how to steal one properly, Emmett had shown me this trick years ago.

"If you ever lose your keys." He had said. Right.

I got in the car and drove away slowly at first so that I wouldn't attract any unwanted attention, when I got to the highway I went for full speed. There was barely anyone on the road and I enjoyed driving such a fast car. This was probably one of the things that had changed after I had become entirely vampire. Maybe I should buy a new car at home. If there still was a home.

I don't remember how long it took me to reach Forks but it was morning, or something like it. Of course it rained, everything seemed normal. The few people that were on the streets stared at the car I was driving but they couldn't possibly see my face behind the dark glass. I decided to go home first, to see if there was anyone or anything left for me. They couldn't have forgotten me could they?

I drove up our driveway and found our house just the way it was when I left. Except all the familiar scents and smells were gone. When I got in and walked toward my room even Rosalie's ever lasting perfume didn't linger in the hallway. I started to panic, like an animal abandoned by it's herd. I had checked all the rooms but there was no sign of why they had left. All I could remember was the letter with the Latin message from Edward.

I tried to call his cell phone with our home phone but nobody answered. I tried Alice's cell phone but nobody answered. Why did nobody answer? I went upstairs again and something lead me to Edward's room again. When I got there nothing had changed from the first five times I had been there but it still felt different. I searched his desk and every other piece of furniture in the room. Then I saw it, on the door. A little note;

_Listen to the music._

What was that all about? I stared at the note for a little while and walked toward his CD player to listen to the music. When I hit play I heard a familiar song. One of Edward's favorites, Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley. But what was it supposed to mean? I saw there was no CD case by his CD player. That was odd, Edward always put the case next to the CD player so he could put it away afterwards where it belonged. In his huge collection on order of preference and time. I started to look for the case and found it right were it belonged.

I opened it and another not fell down at my feet, in my rush to pick it up the CD case fell to the ground.

_My dearest sister,_

_You are most likely wondering what has happened to our family. I am sorry I cannot tell you this in person. I decided to leave Bella alone, to give her a chance to live. To give her a chance to get everything I cannot give her. And to protect her. I do not blame you or Jasper for this, the decision was my own. I asked Carlisle and Esmee to move away from Forks to make it easier for Bella. She wouldn't accept my choice if she knew the real reason behind it, so I ask you too not to go see her. I have hurt this family enough. You can reach Carlisle and Esmee at the phone number I wrote down on the other side. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett are off abroad. I do not know if or when you can reach them. Esmee asked me to call you but I couldn't. This is my time to do penance for what I did Juliette, or for what I couldn't do. Please do not contact me,_

_You deserve to have a big brother that will take care of you, even though I'm but a minute older I have always wanted to be that brother for you. _

_I love you with all my soul,_

_Edward._

I turned the note after I had read it twice and there was indeed a number on it. I ran downstairs and got to the phone again. Dialing the number and waiting for someone to answer.

"Carlisle Cullen,"

"Oh thank god." I exclaimed, I don't know why I felt so hopeless just before Carlisle picked up the phone. I didn't honestly think my family had abandoned me did I?

"Juliette?" he asked.

"Yes, yes it's me! I'm home..where are you, why did you leave?" I start to cry as I feel so much pain all of a sudden and I know where it's coming from: Edward. I know he's unhappy and in a really really dark place right now. I fight the feeling because I want to listen properly to what Carlisle is telling me, he's telling me the same as Edward wrote to me.

"We're not far darling," it was Esmee who took the phone from Carlisle "Does Nathaniel know you're home?" she asked.

"No, no he doesn't." I answered.

"But he will find out soon enough won't he?" Esmee asked but it wasn't really a question.

"Esmee I hate him, I cannot live with him and Caleb…Caleb loves me..he really does.." I feel tears of happiness stream down my face as everything falls into place. I was meant to be with Caleb and I could never be with Nathaniel, and my family accepted that.

"I know honey, I know..who do you think gave him the address?" I can hear her smile.

"I love you. I'll come as soon as possible," I say as Esmee's giving me the address and I write it down quickly and put it in my jeans pocket.

"Be careful sweetheart. We'll see you soon, Alice will come soon too."

"How's Jasper?" I ask because I know he must feel terrible about the whole situation as well as I do. He must hate himself too and I was the one who made him so vulnerable, asking him to teach me how to fight and all.

"He's doing okay." Esmee only said and I knew he wasn't doing okay at all. Just as I wasn't really doing okay, or I was just starting to do okay.

"Edward forgives him you know.." I said just in case it would help.

"You spoke to Edward, he did call?" Esmee asked hopeful.

"He did call, you had asked him didn't you? How do you think I got this number?" I pretended that he had called me as he wrote in the letter. It gave Esmee some hope.

"I've been so worried, how is he?"

"He wants some time alone." I just say, "But listen, I have to go..I'm planning on seeing Caleb." I can feel the smile on my face.

I decided to walk to Caleb's house, it wasn't all that far away after all. I decided to go through the woods surrounding Forks like a wall. It didn't take me long to reach the house, I could see it through the trees. I waited there for a moment as I was staring at Caleb's bedroom window. It was the most stupid thing I could have ever done. Because suddenly I felt a sharp pain somewhere around my side. It hurt so much I fell to the ground as I was wondering what had just happened. I tried to breath but I couldn't breath as easily as before, I felt a burning and stinging pain spread from my side. As I looked down I saw some kind of arrow pinned through my body. I pulled away my shirt and saw that the skin around the arrow was slowly turning black, as if all my veins were filled with some sort of venom. It hurt so much I couldn't move when it reached the veins in my arms and legs. I tried to call out Caleb's name one more time but it was a strange and weak sounds.

"Caleb." I cried.


	14. Kissing You

Chapter 14 – Kissing You

**Chapter 14 – ****Kissing You**

I wasn't sure if I was conscious, I could still feel the pain that went through my body but there was nothing but darkness before my eyes. I was getting really scared by now. I didn't want to die, or whatever it is we vampires do. I don't even know what happens to us when we do. I don't believe I would ever go to heaven although I had always hoped to see my parents there again after..

"Juliette!" I heard my name and it woke me up again even though I was still momentarily blind.

"Juliette my god what happened, stay with me..open your eyes. Open your eyes Juliette!"

But my eyes were open weren't they?

"Matt! Taylor!" I heard the hopeless cry for help from my love. Other voices joined his.

"What happened?"

"Who did this?"

"Where's Chase?" Matt asked all of a sudden as I was trying desperately to move my hand to touch Caleb wherever he was.

"Chase God damn it, where are you?!" Matt yelled and I could hear him run away.

"We need antidote Caleb, now. Get it!" Taylor demanded.

"No." I found the strength to say it. "Caleb don't…" I paused to fight the pain "leave."

I heard a moment of hesitation and I tried to open my eyes.

"Jules, oh Jules please hang on." He was with me the moment I opened my eyes. He held my head in his hands, crying and caressing my face and hair gently with his trembling hand.

"Get her inside." Matt was back and he saw I had opened my eyes. "Don't worry Juliette, everything will be okay." He tried to comfort me.

Caleb carried me inside and lay me down on the couch, never leaving my side as Matt and Taylor were searching through cabins and closets. They came back with little bottles and needles and other things that only belong in hospitals.

"I'm so scared Caleb." I stuttered fighting the pain. "Because if I die..will there be room for me in heaven? Where will I go?"

"You won't die Jules, you can't." he cried, it was such a painful thing to see. Pure desperation on his face. Chase walked into the room and I got even more scared, because I knew, I felt he was the one who did this to me. I felt like a trapped animal that could never escape it's hunter. Chase seemed taller and stronger then ever before.

"Did you do this?" Caleb asked his cousin through clenched teeth. Chase didn't answer but gently took off his coat.

"Did you.." Caleb looks at me for a moment "Do this?"

"I didn't know it was her, I wanted to protect you. All of us." Chase answered as if he had done nothing wrong. And maybe –in his eyes- he had done the right thing. I was, after all, their enemy. But Caleb thought different about that as he attacked his brother. The both of them fought all through the living room. At last Chase ended it as he pushed Caleb to the front door, holding him up from the ground.

"You know I'm stronger. This is useless."

"He's right Caleb, now come on over and help us." Matt said slowly as he prepared a needle. I always had been scared of those things when I was still human. Caleb took my hand and sat beside the couch on the ground.

"It'll be alright Juliette. It'll be okay." I knew I was too scared to believe him and I held on to his hand as tight as I could as the needle came closer. Matt stuck the needle in right beside the arrow. I had never felt so much physical pain after I had changed into the monster I am now. It was the strangest feeling. Like your body was so cold or hot it hurt, it stung as if there were pieces of glass all through it. I know I must've screamed, but I couldn't remember what had really happened because I woke up afterwards, in Caleb's bed.

"Hey." When I opened my eyes Caleb was there.

"How could I have slept?" was the first thing I could ask, because it was impossible.

"You didn't exactly sleep." Caleb said awkwardly "We kind of stopped brain activity for a while.."

"You killed my brain?" I asked shocked.

"No, no because if we did you wouldn't be here right now..alive. But it was like it for a while. We usually use it to kill vampire brains yes, but we used a rather small amount with you. To save you." he smiles. I tried to sit up in bed but he stopped me.

"Your body is still too weak. Not all the poison is out of your system yet because well..you have no running blood. It makes it harder to clean all your veins."

"I don't understand."

"You might feel pain every now and then, I think it will take a week before that stops. We will have to give you an injection every hour for the first two days, after which you'll only need one once a day. If you don't get your antidote in time the poison can still kill you so we need to be very careful."

"I meant, I don't understand what happened." When I asked what happened Caleb froze. He got up and walked toward the window staring out of it.

"I made you a drawing." He said as he walked to his desk and handed me a piece of paper. I didn't look at it.

"I want to know what happened Caleb."

"Chase thought..Chase thought you were him. Nathaniel. He could only smell the scent of you and Nathaniel combined so he couldn't guess which of you it was. So he guessed wrong."

"I'm sorry. I should've called." I whispered when I seemed to have upset Caleb.

"It's not your fault, it's just…Chase and I haven't been getting along much lately..after Matt helped you, gave you your first injection, things got pretty bad. Aiden got home and he and Chase refused to help you any longer. I got in a fight with Chase..but he didn't fight fair, it's not easy to fight a werewolf in his wolf state. Matt and Taylor helped me, even my mum tried to protect me. Aiden got angry and lost control because Matt had hurt Chase pretty badly. And as our mother tried to protect Matt Aiden attacked her. Nothing really bad luckily, but she went away to another hunters group. Denying we were family, rejecting us as her sons. Keira called this morning that they are leaving for Denmark in the morning, Penny's going with them as well."

We were both silent for a while as I got up and crawled of the bed to get to him. He sat down on the bed as I gently ran my fingers through his hair. I looked down at his arm, his wrist still broken. I had done all of this to him. I understood what Edward meant, we really were selfish to think we deserved love. My eyes focused on the tiniest scratch in his neck where his tanned skin had been ripped apart by something sharp. My finger touched the scratch and he jerked away. Looking at me. I came closer again and pulled down the collar of his shirt a little. The scratch became bigger and I knew what must have happened.

"Let me see it." I asked and he took off his shirt, the scratch was all over his back. Except it wasn't just one cut, it where three similar cuts. A werewolf had done this.

"Caleb I am so sorry." He got up and shook my hand off of his shoulder as he rushed his shirt back on not bothering to button it up.

"Well you don't have to be. I love you, and if my family can't accept that I will bear the consequences, not you."

"But Caleb,"

"Jules, I'm so scared of losing you…you are what I live for. My family…they have different," he paused "Expectations. And even though I was born to be..what they want me to be. I won't be that guy, ever. I don't want to be him, I want to be someone you can be proud of."

"But I am proud of you, you're the best person on this planet. And you're born to protect the people on it, and if that means killing monsters, than you should kill them. Just know that not all of us are what you're family thinks we are."

"But I want them to see what a wonderful creature you are, and your family, how amazing you all are. I want them to feel as happy as I do knowing you." He sat down on the bed again and I felt that I had to control myself even in this weak state.

"I want them to feel the love I feel.." he said as he bend down and I could feel his legs touch mine, his hands placed beside me to hold him up above me. I could see his face above mine and I could smell his breath. I was completely enchanted by his presence. And although I felt the urge to kill, to feed, something else was stronger. The urge to touch, to hold and to kiss him. The human desire to love.

"Wherever you will go, Juliette, I'll follow." He whispered as he bend down his head even more, allowing himself to stop supporting his body and to lay down. First he kissed my neck, something that made me even more dizzy than ever before. The feeling was indescribable. Then he kissed me and I had the feeling I was going to lose my self control, holding him tighter. The warmth of his body against mine was a strange sensation. His fingers traced my face, my neck, my shoulder and my arm, his hand followed the way down my leg as far as he could reach without our lips having to part and I knew it was all too much. I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself any longer and that's when he stopped kissing me.

"You do know you can't hurt me right?" he asked and his tone made me laugh even though that was exactly what I was scared of. When I didn't answer and just looked at him he continued;

"Jules, I adapt my strength and senses to yours remember..the only thing that can happen is.."

"That I'll attack you." I finish his sentence.

"Well yes, but I'll stop you and there won't be any harm done." He was perfectly serious.

"I would be so ashamed of myself Caleb."

"Don't be. I want you to be yourself when you're with me, and I know I'm going to see some of your bad side someday." I felt one eyebrow raise as I looked at him in confusion.

"I'm planning to stay with you for the rest of my life, you can't hold back for that long can you?" he grinned.

"Just not yet." I sighed.

"Not yet." Caleb repeats as he smiles gently and pulls himself off of me.


	15. A Bitter Song

Hi

Hi!  
I was thinking about writing a sequel to this story that will loosely follow the plot of Eclipse like with Hearts Stop Beating and this story. But I'm not entirely sure and this one still has enough chapters to go, so let me know what you think and I might work out the idea. Have fun reading this chapter, and thank you for all your support. You're so wonderful! This chapter is for cheapxperfume!

**Chapter 15 – A Bitter Song**

"This will only hurt a moment." Caleb said without looking at me as he focused on the giant needle that disappeared into my body. I couldn't control my reflexes so I pulled back my arm the instant it began to hurt, hitting Caleb in the process. He lost his balance and fell down on the floor as he looked at me in surprise.

"God that hurts!" I say still trying to control myself.

"I thought you never used the lords name in vain." Caleb said amused as he was getting up again and took the needle out of my arm. It wasn't the needle that hurt, it was the antidote. As if there were a million tiny creatures right under my skin trying to crawl there way out, as if hot water was boiling it's way through my veins. And all of a sudden it was over, like it had never been there at all.

"Are you okay now?" Caleb asked tenderly. I nodded my head slowly shoving out of my face.

"I'm sorry it's necessary Jules, but I don't want to lose you."

"It's alright, everything is alright. Have you spoken to anyone yet?" Caleb hadn't had contact with his family for two days now. The last time he spoke with any of them besides Matt was during the family drama that broke them up.

"Matt was just on the phone, he wants to bring us to Carlisle and Esmee whenever you're ready. He suggests we hurry though, Chase's attack has taken too much time already."

"Yes it has. I'll drive by the house today and collect my things, I just want to get some books and music before I leave it you know?"

"I understand. You're pretty fond of your music and books aren't you?" he walks to his desk and sits down grabbing a piece of paper and a pencil. I study him for a moment as he starts to draw.

"The feeling you get right now.." I say "That's the feeling I get from music or books. The feeling that I'm completely swept away to another world beyond all existence." He doesn't say anything but just looks up every once in a while studying my face as if he was trying to read my mind.

"You're mind is blank when you draw, are you aware of that?" I ask him when I try to read his out of curiosity.

"I am." He replies as he focuses on his drawing again, when I try to get up to get a look he holds up his hand as a stopping gesture. He looks at me again, his eyes the most beautiful dark deep brown anyone could ever imagine. It's like there are worlds beyond worlds in them, one as intriguing as the other. His look is intense and full of awe for something I –sadly- do not understand. After looking at him for a while, and after feeling like being in heaving every time he looks up he gets up and walks toward the art wall he created in his room and pins the drawing on it. As my feet carry me toward it I start to recognize a face very similar to my own. But it couldn't possibly be me, because I'm a monster and this girl, this creature, is an angel. Complete with wings and all. It's a beautiful drawing of something I'll never be.

"Are you ready?" Matt asks me as he and Caleb are waiting for me in the living room. Everybody has left the house since I'm here and I'm more than ready to leave. I can't stand keeping relatives away from eachother and I can't stand being away from mine either. I'm worried because Edward hasn't returned any of my phone calls nor the messages I left him and I'm wondering how he's doing. I'm guessing pretty awful since I've been having this strange depressing feeling the entire day now. I have been at the Wade's house for 4 days now which is enough for Nathaniel to catch up on me, I'm surprised he hasn't bothered me. Nathaniel is someone who doesn't really believe technology and tries to avoid it as much as he can. He probably doesn't even know my phone number which is quite convenient to me.

"Yes I am, thank you so much for doing this for me Matt. After everything I've put your family through." He throws his arm around my shoulders.

"It's not your fault my family's unintelligent..well most of them." He looks at Caleb who is staring out of the window.

"After I drove you two to Carlisle I'll bring back that car wherever you got it, making sure there are no signs one of us was ever near it. I think I'm going to see some friends for a while, get away from the house and everything. Away from Aiden and Chase mostly. Will you do something for me?" he said as he was checking if Caleb could hear him.

"Whatever you want." And I sincerely mean it, I would do anything to prove how grateful I am to him.

"Keep an eye on my brother. He's having a hard time since our mother…well you understand what I mean. He has the feeling I'm the only one who understands him..and I'll have his back forever, I mean..he's my little brother, but please make him as happy as I know you can."

"I will. I promise."

As I come home I sit down at the piano and my fingers stroke the beautiful white and black. As I slowly push my finger against the white the sound of a tone fills the room and I start to play something. Something sad, no..it's not exactly sad. It's bitter and I don't know where it's coming from. Then I realize it's the feeling I've been carrying around all day. The music I'm playing, it's Edward.

"It's beautiful." Caleb says as he's listening and I start to hum softly.

"So sad." He says as if he's thinking it but not really saying it.

"Edward's not okay Caleb..he isn't answering any of my phone calls nor my messages and I have this..this feeling."

"You're brother will be okay. As soon as we get to Carlisle we'll make sure to contact him. Now get you're stuff so we can get out of here, I'm getting a little nervous."

"Matt is waiting outside." Caleb says while he's studying the covers of books I packed.

"I'll be right there." I call from upstairs as I'm trying to find something that I can keep with me as a reminder of my brother until I'll see him again. I decide to take one of the photographs we took at the zoo a while ago. Alice had insisted that we'd go to the zoo, it was just something Alice really wanted to do and so we had to come with her. Jasper had a temporary obsession with photography and he took a picture of me and Edward sitting on a bench somewhere trying to act as human as possible. He hated the zoo because there were all these delicious animals he couldn't eat. He thought it was pure torture and that Alice had planned the whole trip on purpose as revenge for the fact that Edward had made her sing at Christmas eve. I had to smile thinking about that day. Esmee was trying to act like any normal parent in a zoo and Carlisle was trying to keep Emmett from killing some rare bird. "But they have enough anyway." Emmett had said.

Suddenly there's this strange scent I recognize but hoped I would never ever smell. It was the scent of blood, sweat, human, fear and vampire. I walked downstairs carrying a small bag with some stuff in my hands. I practically stormed down the stairs as I didn't see Caleb downstairs.

"Caleb?" I called.

"Caleb?!" I yelled hysterically.

"What's going on?" Caleb came walking out of the area where our 'kitchen' was. I felt like I could breath again, the feeling of pure relief that you get before realizing something still can be very wrong. And then it hits me. Realization. The scent was stronger down here.

"Something's very wrong." I whisper to Caleb and his eyes are just a little bigger as usual.

"Oh Juliette!" it's a long mocking sound from outside. Someone calling my name. It's almost an evil demonic sound.

"Come out and play." It calls. Caleb wants to stop me from opening the front door but I push him away and open it anyways. About five steps away from the porch steps is Nathaniel with an evil smile on his face that scares me more than anything in my entire and very long life. Nathaniel is holding a beaten up Matt in front of him, his mouth just inches away from Matt's neck. Both me and Caleb stand there, frozen for a moment and I could swear I could hear Caleb's heart stop beating for a second.

"Game on." Nathaniel whispers.


	16. Mister Murder

Chapter 16 – Mister Murder

**Chapter 16 – Mister Murder**

It was there again.

The shameful feeling of losing control. Blood obviously still had a negative effect on me. Matt's blood smelled the strangest kind of sweet. Again the taste of venom filled my mouth, I couldn't help it but I was fighting it nevertheless. I hated myself.

"Juliette?" I could hear Caleb's voice in the distance even though I knew he was right there behind me.

"Can you feel it Jules? Can you feel the weakness, the monster that is stronger?" Nathaniel asked me. I was wondering how he could keep himself from killing Matt right away.

I took two fast steps and then I felt a hand grasp my wrist.

"Juliette look at me." I didn't "Look at me!" Caleb yelled. I did and I was so ashamed I was willing to get myself killed by Nathaniel right this instant. But that wasn't what he wanted, he wanted me, alive. He wanted to win.

"Do you.." Caleb hesitated as he looked toward his brother. "Do you want him?" he asked and I knew what he meant.

"I mean..do you want to…"

"No." I said trying to keep myself from running up to Matt and drink his blood. "Never."

He looked at his brother again, so afraid that tears were in his eyes. His love for Matt is so strong he's willing to fight Nathaniel himself, he could get killed and he was fully willing to accept that.

"You just..need to help me."

"Help you do what?" he whispered his eyes still on Nathaniel and Matt. Nathaniel was enjoying this, my weakness.

"Fight him."

"What?! Juliette! He'll kill you." but I didn't listen anymore, I just needed him to believe in me, to stand by me. If this would be the end, so be it.

"You want to fight me? _Me?_" Nathaniel asked as he threw Matt to the ground and walked toward me. I didn't say anything, I just stared at Nathaniel trying to block out Matt's presence. I wasn't breathing which felt utterly uncomfortable and I had to concentrate on it, knowing that Matt was close and remembering the scent of his…stop it. Nathaniel's hand moved fast toward my neck and his grip tightened around it as if he wanted to strangle me. It's strange to fight a vampire. Although we never really feel pain, it's different with vampires. If he's stronger, and that's very likely since I'm fighting the urge to feed at the same time and I'm a younger vampire with less practice in controlling myself, he will be able to kill me. He threw me against Matt's car. I got up and made myself ready to fight Nathaniel. My mind was concentrating on his, on not killing Matt or Caleb and on fighting at the same time. One, two, three times I was able to hit or kick Nathaniel because I knew what he would do to me if I didn't. But when I heard Caleb talk to his brother I got distracted. Nathaniel got to me and kept beating, he didn't stop. When he finally did it was because we were close to Matt and Caleb. Matt was barely breathing, blood was everywhere even on Caleb's face now.

"Dinnertime. Two courses, that's a surprise." Nathaniel said and I grabbed his ankle trying to stop him, he turned around and kicked me in the face. After which I got up and ran toward him crashing myself on him to try and keep him from my love and his brother.

"You're strong Juliette!" Caleb yelled above the growling of Nathaniel and me fighting. When vampires fight it's a lot like a catfight, fast, mean, loud. I could feel that there was something very wrong with my body and it was taking it's time to restore itself, leaving me weakened. Nathaniel was faster and stronger and I didn't know why or how that was possible. I tried to stop him again and when I looked at Caleb I could see we were moving too fast for him to see. All of a sudden Nathaniel kicked me so hard I couldn't hold him any longer, his body slipped through my arms as I was flying through the air away from him. He ran toward Matt, pushing Caleb away in the process while Caleb tried to fight him. Sure Caleb adjusted to vampire strength when around one, but Caleb was human. He could still feel, bleed, break, just not as fast as normal. Nathaniel had made his way to Matt and just before I could reach him he bit him. Nathaniel changed from a human like creature into a monster, his eyes turned red instantly. I jumped on his back pulling him away from Matt.

"Get in the car!" I screamed to Caleb.

"He'll outrun us!"

"Get in the car!" Nathaniel pushed me to the ground and searched his pockets. When he found what he was searching for he held it in front of my face. A silver Zippo lighter. It was dangerous of him to us it, fire could kill us both and he knew that.

"Tell him to sacrifice himself and I'll let his brother go." He whispered.

"Never." I looked at the car as Caleb tried to start the engine, the car was damaged by me crashing into it during the fight.

"I'll kill you." He whispered. "Just like I killed Valerie." The way he said it made it seem like he had had fun killing his wife.

"You killed her?" I said and suddenly I felt pity for the vampire I once hated. By stealing the man I supposedly loved she saved my life. Up until now.

"Sure I did. She bored me. You, you hold a certain fascination Juliette…so depressed, so emotional, so deep. You just need to love me back, that's all. But he.." He pointed toward the car that just started driving away, slowly.

"He's a problem." The car stopped when Caleb spotted the lighter above my face. He got out and ran toward us.

"One more step and I'll let her burn." Nathaniel said without looking at Caleb, the index finger of his other hand in the air as a warning.

"Do it." I said to Nathaniel. And just when he wanted to drop the lighter in my face something happened. Something or someone pulled him off of me. Something strong and fast and enormous.

"Come on." Caleb pulled me up and started to drag me to the car as I looked around to see what saved me.

"What?" I asked no one in particular.

"It's Chase." Caleb said as I saw a werewolf fight Nathaniel.

"We can't leave him like this!" I said as I tried to run back.

"Please Jules, we need to." I looked at Caleb and without even touching me he stopped me from going there.

"He bit Matt. We need help."

I looked back one more time as I saw Chase fight Nathaniel and I hoped to everything that is holy that he would survive.

We were in the car, Matt was on the backseat, blood everywhere. Caleb was driving as hard as he possibly could with this stupid car. I was dialing Carlisle's number for the fifth time still trying to fight the urge to kill both humans in the car right now. I had to put away my shame and act responsibly to try and save Matt for as far as we could. He would never survive being turned like this. He was too weak, too much injuries. And we didn't know how much and if the venom had reached his blood. I didn't know what Carlisle could do but he was our only hope.

"Doctor Cullen." I finally heard his voice.

"Dad thank god!" and I really did thank God for that.

"Juliette you sound upset what's wrong?" There's no way to describe how upset and panicked I sounded that moment.

"Nathaniel, he bit Matt and he's injured really badly and we got into a fight and.."

"What, wait. He found you?"

"That doesn't matter! Matt's hurt really bad you have to help!"

"Tell me what his injuries are an most importantly where." How could he stay so calm? Caleb was crying and yelling.

"You have to do something!" I didn't know if he was yelling at me or Carlisle.

"He's bleeding, his..his neck..where he's bitten and..his leg, I think his leg's broken and..a few ribs maybe..I don't know.." I started to panic again as I tried not to lose control seeing and smelling all the blood.

"Stop the bleeding. Now are you alright?" He asked while I took off my vest and was climbing to the backseat.

"Fine. What next?" I asked as my vest was stopping most of the bleeding in his neck.

"Check his breathing and heart."

"I can't." I said, it would get me too close.

"Yes you can Juliette, listen I'm right here. Now just do it, save him."

"I'm scared."

"Where are you?" he asked while I was checking Matt's breathing and heartbeat.

"I think we're almost there.." luckily Esme and Carlisle were not far and time was passing too fast.

"Make sure he keeps breathing and that he doesn't lose to much blood, I'll come running your direction."

"Hurry dad."


	17. The distress I have caused

Chapter 17 – The distress I have caused

**Chapter ****17 – The distress I have caused**

"How is he doing?" Caleb looked back almost losing control of the wheel.

"Just focus on the road or you'll get both of you killed!" I didn't understand why I couldn't stay calm, why I couldn't control my feelings. Vampires were supposed to be able to do that, they were supposed to be composed all the time. I never had been. Maybe because I was half human for such a long time.

"Matt, Matt can you hear me?" I stroked the wet hair away from his forehead, he was having a fever.

"That's nice." He whispered hoarsely meaning the cold from my hands.

"Just stay with me now Matt, tell me something..tell me about.."

"Dad. Tell her about dad Matt." Caleb helped.

"Yes, tell me about your father." Matt started to mumble incomprehensible. I didn't care, as long as he was with us he could mumble anything he wanted.

"I'm cold." I could understand that. That was not a good thing, my first instinct was to let go of him, to free his body from my cold. But when I did that he turned weaker. Apparently vampire hunters who were severely injured could only adjust to our strength by touch. And he needed every little bit of strength he could get. I didn't like to admit it but it didn't look like he was going to make it like this.

"Why doesn't he feel anything of the venom?" Caleb yelled too loud for the short distance, he was losing control.

"I don't know!"

"So cold." Matt whispered. I took off my ripped jacket and put it over him, when he was still cold I took off my sweater as well. Although I was only wearing a sleeveless top I could never be cold.

"Better." Matt closed his eyes.

"No, no no no, stay with me Matt."

"What's going on?!"

"Nothing drive!"

"Matt come on! Wake up Matt! Matt please!" But Matt wasn't waking up, I checked if there was a heartbeat and it was there but extremely faint.

"Carlisle." I whispered when I looked out of the front window and saw my father way in the distance. "Carlisle, it's Carlisle!" I yelled pointing toward him. Caleb tried to make the car go faster.

"Please Matt hang on." I was praying, something I had not dared to do in a long time. It was all my fault, if I hadn't come back Matt would've never..

"Stop the car, stop it!" I yelled and I opened the door jumping out to see Carlisle just steps away from the car. I made room for him to get in the back where Matt was.

"He needs a hospital." He turned to face me.

"But.."

"I know someone in the nearest hospital, I think they'll let me deal with him. I'm currently helping out there." He was talking fast, he didn't want to lose any time.

"Get in the car Juliette." He said. We drove to the hospital while Carlisle was checking on Matt whispered so quietly I couldn't even hear it.

"How's he doing dad?" I asked and by his thoughts I could hear he wasn't going to make it. Matt was going to die, soon if we didn't do anything. Caleb looked at me, he knew I just read Carlisle's thoughts because I was staring at the dashboard trying to ignore them.

"What is it Juliette?" he was still so hopeful his brother would make it, how could I ruin that for him? Unless..

"Stop the car."

"What?!" Caleb yelled.

"Stop it or Matt will die!" Carlisle looked at me in surprise. Caleb stopped the car again.

"Do it dad."

"I'm sorry I don't quite understand what you're saying Juliette." Carlisle said, looking at Matt again.

"You can, you've done it with all of us."

"You mean..?" Caleb asked raising his eyebrows.

"yes." I said.

"Juliette no." both Carlisle and Caleb replied.

"If we don't do it he'll die. Don't lie to me Carlisle because I know he will." I warned my father because he could say any different.

"But a vampire?" Caleb was crying, he didn't want his brother to die, he felt like Matt was the only one who was always there for him.

"I can't Jules. The treaty."

"Well they all think we're gone now right? How would they know? We're far enough from Forks, no one would ever know! I don't want him to die!"

Matt started screaming in the car, apparently he had woken up again. But the scream was not from fear or shock, it was pure unbearable agony. Caleb ran toward the car first.

"What's wrong?!" he asked Carlisle.

"I don't think Juliette's plan is necessary anymore." Carlisle said with regret in his voice. Caleb looked at me with pure fear in his eyes.

"So the venom?" he whispered.

"It's working." I whispered back. "Will he make it in this condition?" I asked Carlisle. If Matt's heart would stop working before the venom got to it than it was too late.

"I don't know. We'll have to get him home, I have some equipment that would help." Caleb got back in the car on the back seat next to his brother. Carlisle was driving because both me and Caleb had lost control.

"Hang in there buddy." I heard Caleb whisper to Matt. "It's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay. You're not going to see dad yet Matt, you're going to stay here, with me." I turned in my seat to watch Caleb. He looked back and for a moment I couldn't see anything but hopelessness.


	18. Everybody leaves

Chapter 18 – You want to end your life

**Chapte****r 18 – Everybody leaves.**

I was pacing in front of a room were Carlisle had made an improvised 'hospital' room. There were several tubes coming from Matt when I last saw him, ten minutes ago. There was a machine keeping track of his heart rhythm. Carlisle was in there and me and Caleb just had to wait. He had said that Matt didn't need all of us around. I looked around the apartment, everything was unfamiliar except the scent of my parents. Esme was out getting some supplies from the pharmacy.

"Caleb I'm so sorry." I whispered, Caleb had been staring into nothingness ever since we found out Nathaniel's venom kicked in. He didn't want me to touch him, or at least that's what he was thinking. He wanted to be alone but he was scared to as well. He looked at me and sighed. He sounded irritated, it was the first time I had seen him this way. The first time I'd seen him this way to _me_. I was afraid to say anything else, afraid to make things worse than I'd already had. And truly, deeply afraid of what he'd was thinking. I tried to ignore everyone's thoughts, trying to keep them out. The one voice that I could never keep out wasn't here, Edward had been away for too long. We had been separated too long too many times lately.

"I need some time alone." He finally said, his voice quiet and weak.

"Okay." I said slowly. "Do you want anything, pillows, a blanket?" I asked as I was preparing to leave the hallway.

"I meant that I need some time alone after…" he looked at the closed door behind which Matt was crying out in pain. "..after Matt has turned." The words shocked me but what made them so frightening was the thoughts that went with it.

_He was the only family I had left after I made the decision to be with you. _

"He still is family." I whispered weakly trying to ignore the fact that Caleb was trying to leave me, or something very similar to it.

"It's different Juliette! You know it!" he suddenly raised his voice taking a step toward me throwing his arms into the air out of frustration.

"My brother..a vampire. I'm supposed to hunt the two of you! Not love you. I'm supposed to kill you and save humans."

"You don't need to save them from _us._" I whispered again trying to keep myself calm even though he was breaking my dead heart.

"Yes. I do. Matt won't be able to keep a vegetarian diet like you're trying to Juliette. I need to take him away from here, away from people..and I'll have to try and teach him that what he craves isn't right. It's wrong. What you all crave, it's wrong! It killed my father _and _my brother." His voice broke at the last three words, he was fighting back tears and I knew I would too if there was such a thing as the luxury of crying for me. Tears never came, just the pain and the weird face and the unsteady breathing. The door opened up between the two of us and Carlisle came out. He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes and than at Caleb. He understood him, he knew he was right.

"Juliette could you leave the two of us alone please?" I looked at Caleb trying my best to show him how heartbroken I was and ran off to Esmee. Half way there, after just a split second I knew too, Caleb was right. I had killed his brother.

"Carlisle thinks it's best if Matt goes to Denali, like you did." Esmee said while she was making tea for Caleb. She saw how upset I was but knew that if I wanted to talk about it I would. But I wasn't planning on it.

"But he'll be different..he'll be a real young vampire Esmee, you know how they are."

"Tanya will be able to take care of that."

"Caleb is leaving too." The word was out.

"What?" Esmee asked in her sweetest motherly voice "Oh sweetheart, that's what bothering you?"

"Everybody's gone. Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie..everyone, I can't even go and see Bella if I wanted to."

"Alice is complaining about that as well." Esmee smiled.

"You spoke to Alice?" I asked.

"Yes, she calls about every night, sometimes it's Jasper but mostly Alice."

"Do you hear anything of…"

"Edward hasn't called. He only called you. He did right? What did he say when you last spoke to him?"

So Esmee wasn't really aware of Edward disappearing and isolating himself from his family.

"He's fine, he misses her, he needs time alone." I said and I knew I was right, not just because it was logical but because I could feel it. It was like the song that just came to me when I sat by the piano, or the feelings that weren't exactly mine but I felt them anyway. The feeling that without Bella I could kill myself, that I was completely hopelessly lost. And the fact that Caleb was angry with me, and wanting to leave me –if not permanently- didn't help ignoring those feelings. But I didn't want to talk about it because that would only make it more true.

"I'm just so worried he'll do something stupid. Bella was everything to him, still is."

"Can you excuse me for a while?" I said as I walked away to the hallway. I got my cell phone out my jeans pocket, I noticed there was still blood on my jeans. I could hear Matt hold back his screams, I could hear his mad rambling. I stared at my phone for about three long minutes. And as if it was supposed to be it rang the moment I wanted to try and call my twin brother. But it wasn't Edward, it was Alice.

"I'm so glad you called!" I lost control the moment I could hear her breath. But there was something wrong, her breathing was too hasty, too panicked.

"It's Bella!"

"What..Alice wait..calm down."

"I'm going there, we're not far from Forks after all."

"What's happening Alice?!" I snarled, annoyed that she didn't tell me right away. I didn't have the ability to see her thoughts from this far away. Edward was the talented one, why couldn't she just tell me.

"I think Bella will try to kill herself." If I had a heart able to stop beating, it would do so now.

"I'm coming with you."

"No, I heard about Matt and Caleb..you should stay."

"It's Bella!"

"I can handle this, Jasper will come your way to try and check on Matt when…when the time is right." She finished.

"But Alice!"

"I'll call when I'm there."

"Alice!"

But it was too late, Alice was gone.

"What's wrong dear?" Esmee stood beside me right that instant.

"It's Bella." I had to try and control myself, I was thirsty and upset, and that could be, at the wrong time, a lethal combination.

"Bella?" Esmee's shock was bigger than mine, of course no one could be more worried about her loved ones than Esmee. I told her what Alice told me and halfway my first sentence Carlisle was with us as well.

"Does Edward know?" he asked.

"I don't know." And the fact that I didn't know scared me, because if he did know, what would he do?


	19. I can't make you stay

Chapter 19 – You want to end your life

**Chapter 19 –**** I can't make you stay**

It didn't take Jasper long to reach us, the calmness he brought with him still didn't cover up for the hopelessness surrounding all of us. He was in front of the door, ringing the doorbell. I looked at Esme and Carlisle and they agreed I should open the door. Just before I reached it something felt wrong, very wrong. I had the feeling that all hope was lost and that everything would never be the same. I had the feeling that my life wasn't worth living anymore, I hated myself, and I wanted to kill the evil host of my rotten soul, my body. I wanted to kill all of it, I wanted to kill myself. And it was when I opened the door and actually saw Jasper that I realized it wasn't me wanting to kill myself. It was Edward.

"He want to commit suicide." I whispered the exact moment I realized myself and Jasper in his mind. He nodded slowly and I spotted the cellphone in his hand.

"Alice?" I asked. He nodded again.

"Rosalie told Edward Bella wanted to…but she didn't…she's fine. Reckless, but fine."

"Alice is with her now?"

"Yes, apparently Edward heard something about a funeral and Rosalie told him about what Alice saw and he jumped to the wrong conclusions. Who wouldn't."

My brother wanted to kill himself. I couldn't stand here and wait.

"What's wrong?" Caleb spoke to me for the first time in a long time. I looked at him and though he knew something was terribly wrong he kept his distance. It hurt. He was still angry with me.

"I have to go. Jasper will help you and Matt. I'm sorry."

"Juliette!" Jasper caught up with my emotions and my plan but I was already gone. I was sure he would explain to Carlisle and Esmee, and they would all understand. I had to try and save my brother, I had to try and save my other half.

I was too late. There was no one there. Carlisle's car was gone, the car Alice borrowed to get to Forks. Where were they? I took my cellphone out of my pocket and called Alice. She didn't pick up, and she still didn't pick up for the next 7 times. The eight time was different.

"Juliette?" It was Bella.

"Bella thank goodness are you alright?!"

"Not really, I'm scared..Edward.."

"I know."

"You know?"

"I can feel him."

"Is he alright?" she asked.

"I don't know. Where are you?"

"We're off to Italy."

"Italy?" I asked, wondering what was there Edward was looking for. And then it hit me. The Volturi.

"The Volturi." I mumbled so low I wondered if Bella could hear me.

"Can he hear you or something? You have to tell him to stop right now! He'll believe you, he'll listen." She started to panic and cry. I could hear Alice in the background mumbling that Edward wouldn't believe any of us at this moment. He knew we all wanted to keep him safe.

"He can't hear me if he's in Italy Bella." I said almost harshly mostly because I was mad about the fact I couldn't help him right now.

"Could you put Alice on the phone please?"

"She's driving."

"She'll be fine."

"Jules I'm sorry.." Alice whispered.

"Damn right you are, you should've taken me with you!"

"There was no time!"

"I could've made it!" and then Alice hung up the phone, just like that. There must have been a reason. I wondered where they were and how they could possibly stop Edward from killing himself. I got out of Matt's car (the only one left at Carlisle's and Esmee's) and started walking toward Bella's front door. I didn't even have to knock. Charlie was at the door before I raised my hand.

"Juliette! Do you know where Bella is?!"

"I'm sorry Charlie, I thought she was home..isn't she?" I decided to play along, I could hardly tell him my vampire brother was trying to get killing by pissing off some Italien vampire clan in Europe and that his daughter was currently trying to save him.

"No, she isn't." he said like he still didn't believe me.

"She was pretty upset your family left like that you know." He mumbled.

"I know, we're all terribly sorry. We miss her too."

"Sure sure."

"I'm going back home again then, tell Bella I stopped by when she gets home..and she can call me any time."

"Sure. Nice to see you again Juliette." Somehow I didn't believe him, surely he liked our family –except Edward- but he sensed there was something off.

I got in Matt's car, denying there was a smell of blood in it, a smell of death, and drove back home. Fast, afraid to miss something of the news Alice would most likely provide my family of.

I ran toward the third floor where Carlisle rented the apartment and started to knock on the door, a little too hard. Esmee opened it.

"Calm down Jules," Jasper whispered standing right behind her.

"Why?! We all know what Edward's trying to do right? Why should I calm do…where's Matt?" I asked when I noticed the smell of blood, Matt's blood, was gone.

"They left. Carlisle suggested Denali but Caleb wasn't sure about it."

"But his transformation wasn't even…"

"I know." Carlisle whispered.

"Jazz, that's insane! You have to get them back!"

"We can't, they left right after you left..Caleb asked us not to follow him."

"He left?" I asked feeling my eyes burn.

"We're so sorry." Esmee embraced me.

"I need some time alone." I whispered and walked toward the balcony. It was raining outside, and a strong wind played with my hair. The color of my hair made me sad, there was so much of Edward that was also in me. Constantly reminding me of him. I needed Caleb, I needed him to comfort me. To tell me everything was going to be okay. That Edward was going to be fine, that everything was going to be fine. But it wasn't.

The phone rung.

I don't know how long I was standing on that balcony. A long time surely.

Every single eye in the apartment was watching the little silver phone on the table in the middle of the living room. I stepped inside again, closing the glass door behind me. It rung one time, two, three, four. Until Jasper picked up.

"Jasper." He said. His face changed every second, it was Alice. I could hear him think every word she was saying. They were coming home.

"And Edward?" he asked tense.

"He's fine." We could all hear Alice through the phone.


	20. You were my hero

Chapter 20 –

**Chapter 20 – ****You were my hero**

First there was relief, after that anger. I was so angry with Edward for wanting to do this. For him wanting to leave all of us behind. For him wanting to leave _me _behind.

"_Look Edward, look!" I walked into our living room, enjoying the light that came through the large windows, creating a spotlight for me to stand in. My ten year old twin brother looked my way, wondering what all the fuss was about. I was standing there in front of him, proudly showing my costume for the ballet show I was in. It was a golden tutu decorated with bronze ruffles and beige silk, I was most proud of it.  
"You look very pretty." He said with a tone just a little too wise for his age. _

"_You will come and see me dance won't you?" I asked._

"_I wouldn't miss it for the world, if mother will let me." _

"_O Edward, of course she will. Will you play something for me, I will show you my solo!" _

"_I still have to finish my latin.." he said doubtfully. _

"_O please Eddie, please?" He smiled and blinked with his green eyes, the same eyes as mine. He walked to the piano, slowly as if he wanted me to beg just a little more. And then he sat down, his small slender fingers touching the piano softly. _

"_What do you want to dance to?"_

"_Anything, it's about this girl who gets lost in the magic land of elves and one of the elves saves her and helps her get to the king who will bring her back to her real world, but the king is evil and wants the girl for his own, in the end the elf helps her get back himself!" _

"_Sounds very exciting Jules." _

"_O it is." I was wondering off, enjoying the light again, waiting for him to play. I was half dancing half daydreaming until the music came. It was something very different from what I was used to dance to during this ballet, but I loved it. I loved everything Edward played, it was as if he could sense the notes I wanted to hear. During the dance I started to laugh as I explained the rest of the story to my brother. _

"_And in the end, he's the hero. He was just a normal elf, but he was the hero." I finished, not at all exhausted from dancing, it felt natural to me, I had been doing it for so long. Edward smiled, his eyes had followed my every movement. He enjoyed watching people dance to his music. _

"_Like you," I smiled "You are my hero Edward." _

I don't know how long I've waited for them to come back. We were home again, it had been dark and light several times. Two days? And then I smelled him. The familiar scent of my brother. I could hear cars pulling up the drive way. Who where home? I don't know.

"Juliette, they're back." It was Jasper, he stood in my room, as if he had always been there.

"I know." I whispered.

"Jules listen," I looked at him, he was surprised by my emotions. "I know you're angry with him. But he's okay now. We're all okay. We're back, you can see Bella again. And I won't hurt anyone."

"It wasn't your fault, nothing was your fault." Jasper was afraid I was angry with him about Edward trying to kill himself. I passed him on my way downstairs. Halfway the stairs I waited. To hear who was there as well.

"It's me." He whispered. I walked further downstairs, fast, too fast.

"How could you?!" I screamed as I pushed him against the front door.

"Jules I never meant.."

"To hurt me?"

He nods. "You couldn't have possibly understood. Bella is my life."

"I knew exactly how you felt Ed, I felt it! But we are here for you, always. You could've come to me first..before you.."

"I couldn't"

"So you choose to go to hell?" I spit out.

"There wouldn't be a heaven for me to begin with!"

"You're my hero Edward, you always have been. You're my brother, my real brother. We even conquered human death together."

"Juliette." He said with pain in his eyes.

"You should go to Bella, she'll be worried you try to kill yourself again."

"I love you sister." He whispered.

"Should've thought about that sooner."


	21. Brother

**Chapter 21 – ****Brother.**

I was sitting by the river, listening to the calming sound of the water. Jasper was standing behind me, calming me down and hoping I would forgive him. I would forgive him anything, if he'd done something wrong.

"Jasper, you didn't do anything wrong. I love you, now please stop hating yourself." I whispered, my chin resting on my knees. I could hear Alice her thoughts as she came walking to us. They were a bit odd.

"Alice." I said smiling, I had missed her.

"Juliette, Caleb just called.."

She didn't have to say much more, I could see the whole thing in her mind. They had reached Denali safely. Tanya and Kate were taking care of Matt, willing to teach him our way of life. Caleb still couldn't forgive me, which I understood, and he had asked how things were with Edward. He had dared to ask about Edward. Sure, he left me the moment I needed him most, but he was wondering if my brother was alright. Sure he's alright, he just tried to kill himself that's all!

"Calm Jules." Jasper reminded me.

"Did they hear anything from Nathaniel? Chase, has he survived the fight?"

When we got home there was no sign of a fight on our driveway anymore, nothing at all. Alice shook her head.

"I can't see either."

"Yes because of Chase, I know."

"Why don't you call their house?"

"They left, they rejected Caleb..and I think they'll most likely reject their vampire son as well."

"Yes, I'm so sorry about that. He was such an attractive young man." Alice chuckled a little.

"What?"

"Edward's funny." She giggles. I wish I could be so happy with his return but I just couldn't get my mind around the suicide incident.

"What are you hiding from me?"

"Nothing! Don't fish! It's hard enough to keep it from you anyway!" Jasper was laughing as Alice got up and started to dance around.

"Alice please."

"Do you know I stole a Porsche in Italy? It was amazing!"

"Don't care! Tell me what's going on!"

"No, he'll be home soon enough. In about five minutes." She giggled and started dancing back to the house. I followed her irritated, Jasper behind me, laughing.

"You're not even potentially funny at the moment Alice."

"Just wait and see." The harder I tried to read her mind, the more she thought of other things, mainly about how funny I looked when I was curious, and how I should hunt because I didn't look so well.

"Carlisle, could you please tell Alice she's being totally obnoxious." He looked at me and started laughing. Well, just everybody seemed to be in a happy place weren't they?

"Alice, you're being totally obnoxious." He repeated and then he reached for Esme kissing her forehead.

"I know." She smiled proudly. "Oh here he comes! Stay!" she said to me, pointing at my face with a very fierce hand gesture.

"Is she home?" Edward came running into our living room from out the garage with the biggest smile on his face I had seen in a long time.

"Sure. It's not like I have anywhere else to go." I said.

"Come on." He took my hand and started pulling my arm. "And don't read my mind, or Alice's, focus on Jasper or something. Close your eyes." That was easier said than done, I might not be as good at the whole mind reading thing as Edward was, but hearing my brother came kind of naturally.

"Just a little something to cheer you up." He said with a smile "And to say I'm sorry surely."

"Now open them." I was standing in the garage, and next to Edward's special occasion Aston Martin was a brand new silver Audi A5 decorated with a red ribbon which was absolutely hideous. The car however, was amazing. I hadn't driven my old MGB for a while now, the oldie couldn't quite satisfy my sense for speed. He was looking at me, his eyes full of hope and happiness and it was then that I realized that giving me a car wasn't going to make up for the fact he was willing to leave me alone.

"It's nice." I mumbled. Alice stood next to me, shocked.

"Nice?!" she gasped "Jules it's amazing! And he hasn't even told you they did something with it to make it even faster! Plus you're old car is a dump. You can pass that on to that Jacobfriend of Bella, he loves all that stuff." She was babbling on and on and I didn't even listen. I was looking Edward in the eye.

"_I'm sorry, I really am. I never should've tried it. I will never, ever, I promise you this on all that I love, leave you or anybody in this family_." It was silent for a while _But I do hope you like the car though. _

"I love it, but you're not getting rid of me that easily."

"I know, that's why we're going to take it for a test drive." He smiled again.

"A test drive?"

"We're going to Denali, I heard some stupid boy decided to hurt my sister. Well, I'm you're brother so I think we should take care of that."

"No, no, no," I whispered stroking the car with my fingers. "He doesn't want to see me."

"Sure he does."

"Edward you don't understand.." I saw that Alice and Jasper backed away out of the garage.

"He's just trying to cope with things.."

"No Edward, he's so angry with me he doesn't want me anymore. He's off to Denali to help his brother while we could've helped Matt just as good. Even better, and he could've stayed with me. But he went, and he didn't even say goodbye."

"Are you absolutely positive you don't want to go to Denali?" I nodded slowly.

"But a little speed wouldn't hurt right?" he smiled and hugged me, I loved that he was around again.

"Shall we go by Bella's house? I missed her." And for the first time in a very long time, I could smile.


End file.
